Jack Fell Down
by Sid Mc
Summary: A mysterious new rider hides secrets that Lou and Jimmy are determined to uncover. (Very old story, previously-published. First in a series; heavy on the melodrama.) Image copyright: Nesciri.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

They were all darlings in their own ways, but they were seven very different personalities, and just now, with all of them sitting around the bunkhouse and on the porch, sulking in their various ways for their own vastly different reasons, Rachel wanted to scream.

The suffocating heat of the day seemed to have brought out the worst in everyone: Lou and Cody had quarreled over something truly stupid and sat like two petulant children, refusing to admit any blame; Jimmy had singed his hand on the hot stove earlier, and now lay prostrate on his bunk, for all the world as if he'd suffered a fatal blow.

Earlier, while shoeing the new brown mare, the Kid had accidentally struck himself in the temple with his hammer-lightly enough, thank God-but now a great, bulging purple lump was emerging, and a raging headache seared his brain. He was also lying on his bunk, but had more of Rachel's sympathy.

His report of the incident had prompted snickers of amusement from Noah, who had remarked upon the fact that such a skilled horseman as the Kid was reported to be had been foolish enough to whack himself in the head while performing such a simple task. Subsequently, he and the Kid were not on speaking terms.

Buck was in a foul mood, for reasons he apparently found it best to keep to himself, and even the ebullient Ike seemed sour as he sat at the kitchen table, writing in his journal, an expression of disgust on his normally composed face.

All in all, Rachel thought to herself, they were a wretched group of young things, and it was beginning to wear on her nerves. When the first forlorn sigh emitted from Cody, the rest followed suit in stages, and soon it turned into the First Annual Great Mope-Out Contest, with each determined to outdo the other in sheer pitifulness. The last to heave a deep, 'poor me' sigh was Jimmy, who tacked on a groan of pain for good measure.

Rachel stood, ready to howl with indignation, and it was likely Jimmy would have met a very unlucky fate at her hands, had Cody not stood up from the porch swing at that very moment and shouted, "Rider comin'!" in a voice that rang from the rooftops and bounced off the porch.

Jimmy lifted his head, puzzled, and rose from his deathbed, and even the Kid shot to his feet-deeply regretting it as the room began to spin around him-and joined the others on the porch. They stood in a bunch, staring at the lone rider that drew nearer.

"We weren't expectin' anyone," Jimmy said needlessly.

The Pony Express had been shut down for nearly two months now, as the Army did their damnedest to resolve the problems riders had been having with some neighboring Indians. As a result, the Sweetwater outfit had grown restless with something akin to cabin fever. A month and a half with no work to relieve the monotony, and practically no break from one another, had factored in greatly to the riders' snappish nerves, not to mention Rachel's. They hadn't heard a word about the Express starting back up, but nobody cared for verification. Suddenly, with the prospect of working again, spirits lifted sky-high.

"I'll go!" Buck practically shouted.

As he was standing not more than a foot away from her ear, Lou winced sharply, then hollered right back, "No, I'll go!"

A round of not-so-good-natured arguing began, except for the Kid, who, though he very much would have liked to go, actually looked as if he were ready to pass out, and was far more concerned with keeping vertical than anything else.

In their haste to be the first back on the job, all seven pairs of eyes had turned away. Only Rachel still scanned the horizon, and in the few seconds since her riders had begun their vehement discussion, she noticed that the boy advancing towards them was slumped in his seat, one leg hanging out of his stirrup.

"You all hush now!" Her clear voice was harsh. The bickering stopped abruptly.

"What is it? What do you see, Rachel?" Noah squinted in the direction Rachel was looking.

"Hell, there's somethin' wrong with that boy," Kid interjected.

"He ain't ridin' none too steady now, is he?" added Jimmy.

The rider was now less than a hundred yards away, and with each length the horse crossed, it became more and more apparent that there was definitely something wrong with the figure in the saddle. They all stayed silent. Cody and Lou stepped down from the porch without thinking, and began walking toward the approaching rider, slowly, eyes watching carefully.

The horse moved gently nearer, stepping cautiously, as if it knew the precious cargo it carried were in danger of being damaged. When it had reached Cody and Lou and stood not more than fifteen feet from them, the horse suddenly stopped, and the rider lifted his head weakly, looking as if his neck could barely support it. From under the dusty brim of the rider's hat Cody and Lou saw two huge, clouded-over blue eyes, one circled with a dark, mottled bruise that reached clear to his pale cheek, and a cut that snaked diagonally across the corner of his mouth. Blood had dried on his face, and Cody could make out purple marks around the boy's throat-marks about the size and shape of a man's hands.

The rider's eyes didn't so much as register that he was looking at other human beings, but he opened his mouth and rasped, "Please..."

Cody could barely hear the word, and before either of them realized what was happening, the boy had tilted his head back down over the mane of the horse, and slipped off the side, tumbling to the ground with a sickening thud.

The others rushed to his side as if of one body, and Kid, fighting the dizzying ache in his head as he did so, knelt down beside the young man, and gently turned him over. His hat had slipped off his head, and the rider's ghostly white face was revealed to them. The realization that the boy was at once older than he appeared, and yet so young, nearly broke Rachel's heart. She raised a hand to her slim throat and tried to stop her trembling.

With a tenderness that touched Lou deeply, the Kid rested the young man's head in one arm, and with the other, touched two fingers to his throat, and waited. "There's life," he said a moment later, and his friends sighed in relief.

"Whoever he is, he is an Express rider," Buck informed them as he came around the side of the horse. A mochila rested in his hands. "I found this, but it's empty."

'Should we move him?' signed Ike.

The Kid's hands roamed lightly over the rider's head, moving his hair around to be sure. "I don't see any serious head injuries, other than this here black eye."

"Looks like his leg may be broke, though," Lou said, "and his left wrist don't look none too stable."

"Maybe a few broken ribs," Rachel speculated. The young man's breathing sounded shallow and harsh, as if he were struggling for each lungful of air.

Noah nodded. "Best to move him, I think."

"Gently," Rachel cautioned, needlessly.

Fortunately the rider wasn't big by any means. Cody knelt, gathered him up in his arms, and headed to the bunkhouse, Jimmy beside him keeping a firm hand under the boy's neck, which hung so loosely it threatened to snap. Inside, Cody lay the boy down on his own bunk, and Rachel busied herself fetching rags and liniment. Lou ran for the bucket of fresh water, and Buck began tearing an old pillowcase into strips.

Everyone became preoccupied at once, and no one heard Teaspoon's arrival until he banged his way into the bunkhouse with his usual gusto and twice the usual fanfare. They all looked up, startled to hear his thunderous, "Howdy, all!"

Before Rachel could put her finger to her lips in the classic schoolmarm warning of silence, a low moan emanated from Cody's bunk, and as all heads whipped around, the boy opened large, dark blue eyes and within seconds his expression changed from bewilderment to outright fear.

"Where am I?" His voice was hoarse, his throat parched from lack of moisture.

"You're safe, son," Rachel said kindly. "You're among friends."

"We're Express riders, too," added Jimmy. "Don't you worry, we're gonna take good care of you."

"Take care of me?" The boy sat up quickly, then looked as if he wished he hadn't. He put a hand to his head. "What's...what's wrong with me?"

"Will someone tell me exactly what the hell is goin' on?" Teaspoon demanded.

Rachel shushed him. She sat down beside the boy, a washcloth and a basin of warm water in her hands. "You've got some nasty cuts and bruises, darlin', and we think a few broken bones, but you're gonna be just fine, all right? Like Jimmy says, we're gonna take real good care of you. Once we get you properly examined and get a few weeks' worth of rest in you, you'll be good as new and makin' your rounds with the best of 'em."

"Properly examined?" the boy repeated. To Cody's surprise he turned whiter than before. "Is something really wrong with me?"

"We hope not, sugar, but...well, that is, we're none of us proper doctors here, but we've seen enough battle scars and accidents that between the bunch of us we can take care of most anything." Rachel's voice was soothing as she tried to reassure the frightened boy.

He seemed to want none of it, and slid back down on the bed, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring as defiantly as he could with one eye practically swollen shut. "I won't be examined," was his startling reply. For the first time the riders all noticed that he had an accent, an unusual one that none but Teaspoon could place. This boy was from England or he was much mistaken.

"I won't be examined," the rider said again. "I'll be fine. You let me stay here tonight to rest up and I'll make it back to St Joe with no trouble." Then he added a hesitant, "Please."

Teaspoon saw it fit to intervene, and in his most patient tone, urged, "Son, I think that would be mighty foolish of you. Now, I don't know what's goin' on here, but you're mighty tore up, and if Rachel says you ought to be examined and rest for a while, well, I'll have to agree with her." As the boy opened his mouth once more, Teaspoon raised a hand. "Now, I can appreciate a man's obligations, son; hell, I can even sympathize if you're feelin' too much of a man to need any doctorin', but the fact remains that you do need it." He paused, one white eyebrow raised. "And from the look of that twisted ankle and that dried blood on your shirt, I'd say it wouldn't be none too soon."

"I won't be examined," was the staunch, familiar reply. "There's no need for it."

"Son, now you're not makin' any sense."

"I have business that needs attending to. I don't have time for this."

"Damn it, boy, look at that ankle!" the Kid nearly shouted. "It's hangin' out of its socket!"

"Set it, then," the boy replied, his eyes glittering with fury.

"Now you're talkin' sense," Lou said approvingly, privately adding, 'And we'll take care of the rest of you, too, whether you like it or not, you fool!' As time went on she found she had less and less patience for the follies and disasters of male pride.

She didn't have time to discuss it further with him. The moment Jimmy laid his hands on the puffed-up ankle, the boy's eyes rolled back in his head, and he passed out cold. Cody looked on with unconcealed amusement. "Well, for such a young firecracker, he certainly don't hold up too well to pain, now does he?"

Jimmy grinned. With gritted teeth and careful hands he pushed the boy's ankle back into its proper place, and Cody quickly wrapped a protective layer of bandages around it. His work done, Jimmy was relieved to leave the rest up to Rachel.

"That was a fine how-do-you-do," Jimmy commented. "We don't even know his name."

'Idiot,' Ike signed, and they all grinned.

Teaspoon shook his head good-naturedly. "I've seen so many boys just like him, I couldn't begin to tell you." He winked at Lou. "Seen a few girls like him, too." Lou smiled back at him. "Wouldn't admit they were in agony if they had a Bowie knife in their back; just kinda sit there and groan and say, 'I'm all right, 'cept for this dern pain in my shoulder blades.'"

Everyone laughed, though Rachel pretended to look disapproving. "Y'all go on, now, and let me tend to this poor thing." She waved them away with a 'shoo.'

"Rachel, can I stay and help?" Lou asked, as the boys shuffled out. She could hear Teaspoon's surly, "Now will someone tell me what the hell is goin' on?," and grinned.

"'Course you can, sugar. I think it would be best if I work on his wrist, if you wouldn't mind cleanin' up his face."

Lou moved to sit by the boy's head, and with great care, dipped the rag in water and began to clean his face. Time was she would have done everything to avoid this kind of helping out, would have turned up her nose and it and said she could do better than just being an old nursemaid. But with the help of Rachel, and Emma before her, she was beginning to appreciate the nobility and honor of the tender ministrations that were so often referred to as "women's work."

"There's somethin' kinda familiar about him," Lou suddenly said, studying the invalid's pale young face.

"Oh?" Rachel was interested.

"Yeah, but I don't know what it is." Lou narrowed her eyes, concentrating. "I can't say as I've ever met him before, and I don't forget a face." She continued to bathe his cuts and bruises, thinking aloud as she spoke, "Maybe it's not so much that I've seen him before... I just don't know."

They worked on in silence. Rachel watched Lou's face intently, wondering if her young friend might, by some strange coincidence, have a clue to this poor boy's identity or past. For her part, Lou was getting slightly frustrated. Looking at this boy, something somewhere deep inside her was drawn to him in a way she seldom, if ever, felt with strangers. How could she explain it to anyone? It was a recognition that seemed to have nothing to do with familiarity.

"He's sweet-lookin'," Lou whispered.

Rachel smiled at her. "Don't let the Kid hear you say that."

"No, no, not like that," admonished Lou. "Just sweet-lookin', like you ought to be nice to him, like he could be your friend. I prefer the Kid's looks, myself," she admitted, and blushed, "but this boy's got a friendly face under all that bruisin'."

Rachel carefully wrapped the damaged wrist. "I can't say I blame you," she said. "Fancyin' the Kid's looks, I mean. He is a mighty..." she struggled with the scissors, "handsome..." with a pleased look she pinned the bandage into place, "fellow! There!" She murmured approvingly. "That'll settle nicely as well. Anyhow, Louise darlin', the Kid is a good person and he's goin' to grow into a mighty fine young man. He just worships the ground you walk on, and that is a very fine quality in a man!"

Lou continued cleaning the dirty, damaged face, and Rachel set her sights on examining his leg. She slid the scissors under the ankle of the breeches and began cutting upward till she reached just below his thigh. The leg was bruised and scraped, but not broken, as Lou had prophesied. Rachel cleaned and dressed it, then took a look at the other one. It was in far better shape and required less attention.

When this work was done, Rachel reached for the button of the rider's shirt, hesitated, and then stopped.

"What's wrong, Rachel?"

Rachel bit her lip. "I really do think this boy's ribs are broken, Lou, and I just don't feel you and I could maneuver him without the boys' help. He's little, but right now he's dead weight. I tell you what...we've pretty much taken care of everything. Let's give our patient a bit more rest, and then we'll call Doc to take care of the rest."

Rachel pulled a cool sheet over the sleeping boy's body, and Lou smoothed his long bangs away from his face. They crept quietly from the room. Outside they saw Teaspoon and the boys in a semicircle around the rider's horse, and they joined them. They were inspecting the contents of the mochila.

"Look's like his name's Jack Townsend, best as we can tell," Jimmy called out as they approached. He held out a Bible, the same version they had all been given when joining on with Russell, Majors, and Waddell.

"There's no mail in here," added Buck, "and Teaspoon says there's no way the Express started back up without our knowin' it, so whatever this boy's doin' on this part of the route, it ain't business."

"Let's get this poor horse into the barn and feed it," Teaspoon ordered. "Ike, Lou, I want you two to ride out a-ways and see if you can't find out what might have happened to this boy. I doubt we'll find who did it, but we may just run into some loose tongues who'll have some ideas. Hickok, I sure would appreciate it if you'd run back into town with me for an errand or two. The rest of you, see what you can do to help Rachel for a change."

Within the brief span of twenty minutes, the riders, Rachel, and Teaspoon had all scattered. Left behind, Noah and the Kid led the horse to the barn. Buck and Cody went about assisting Rachel around the grounds, despite their protests, as she tended to the few animals and the washing. Teaspoon and Jimmy returned shortly after the chores were done.

When they got back to the bunkhouse, Jack Townsend was gone.

"That stupid boy," Rachel spat out in disgust. She turned to Cody and Jimmy. "Go out and look for him, boys. He hasn't taken any of the horses or we would have heard him, and in his condition he can't have gone far."

In fact, Cody and Jimmy found him not thirty feet from the edge of the station grounds, face down in the dirt. Cody leaped from his horse and gingerly turned Jack's face up. He bent his head and listened. "Still breathing!" he assured Jimmy.

"He's one stupid, lucky cuss," his friend sighed. "Hand him up and we'll cart him back to Mama Rachel."

Once more Cody lifted Jack, this time passing him over to Hickok. Jimmy gathered Jack in a bundle in his arms and reached for the reins. His eyes glanced over Jack, and then paused, frowning. He turned to Cody, who had climbed back on his horse. "Uh, Cody?" Jimmy's eyebrows were raised practically off his head, a deep wrinkle in his broad forehead.

"Yeah?"

"You notice anything...uh," he gulped, "you notice anything about the way Jack is, ah...breathing?"

"Dammit, Hickok, what in the sam hill are you on about?"

"Just look."

Cody rolled his eyes and watched Jack's shallow breathing. He was ready to roll his eyes again and lead his horse away when he suddenly caught on, and stopped, jaw hanging in mid-air.

"Am I right?" Jimmy prompted, eyes wide.

Cody watched the strange rise and fall of Jack's chest, and it was clear that Jimmy had not been mistaken. Cody closed his eyes and wiped his gloved hand over his face. "Holy Mary and all the Saints," he muttered, "we got us another one."

"Rachel!" Jimmy hollered as they trotted the horses back to the station. "Break out the petticoats!"

"So," Cody asked with a feigned air of seriousness as they stopped on the porch, "what do you think 'Jack' stands for?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"A girl?!" Teaspoon's face went slack with shock.

Looking around the room at his friends' stupefied expressions, Cody fully enjoyed the sensation their news had created. Even Jimmy had to admit he was enjoying it a little. Think of the fun when Lou got home.

Teaspoon was apparently not thinking along these lines. He sank down into a nearby chair, took off his hat, and set it on the table. With his hand on his chest, he said, "You Pony Express riders will be the death of me one day, and that's a fact. I swear you give me a heart attack with this one, Cody." Then he rose to his feet majestically, pointed a shaking finger at the few boys he had in front of him, wishing they were all around to hear, and said, "I swear to God, if any of the rest of y'all is female, in any way, shape, or form, I don't wanna know about it! I swear I would rather go to my grave thinkin' you was all boys than know any differently." He sat back down, hand at his heart again, his face comically distressed.

"Now, boys," Rachel said carefully, "are you sure about this?"

Cody and Jimmy exchanged looks and began to fidget. Their detective work left much to be desired, but to trained male eyes nothing was quite so obvious as that unique heaving of a woman's chest.

Jimmy's collar suddenly became constrictive. "Well...ah, Rachel...we, uh..."

Cody broke in, all sly grin and twinkling eyes. "Rachel, let's just say that there are certain curves a woman's got that a man, despite all attempts to be gentlemanly, well...that he just can't help but notice."

Wavering between embarrassment and amusement, Rachel settled on amusement, and pealed with laughter. "Well, it don't get much more honest than that," she admitted. "You fellas go on out while I examine our visitor, just to be on the safe side."

Exiting like good schoolboys, in single file, the riders left, murmuring to one another. They seemed to have easily overcome the shock, surely thanks in great part to Lou, and were now tickled to death at the discovery that there were others out there like their friend.

Ike and Lou arrived back just as Rachel had finished her examination. Jack Townsend's ribs were only bruised and not broken. All in all, this was one lucky young lady.

By an unspoken agreement, the riders kept silent when Lou joined them on the porch. She could tell something was up, though-they all had that awful teasing look in their eyes. The look that usually meant something was going on that she should know about. Lou eyed them suspiciously.

"What?" she demanded. Beside her, Ike looked puzzled also, but was far more entertained by his friends' expressions, somehow knowing it wasn't for his benefit.

Five pairs of hands raised in the air in 'don't look at me' gestures, but a snicker arose from one of them, though Lou couldn't tell who.

"Find anything, Lou?" The Kid stifled a snort.

"No," Lou replied slowly. She cocked her head to one side and studied the young men before her. "What? I got a fly on my nose or manure on my pants, or somethin'? What the hell are y'all lookin' at me like that for?"

"Nothin's wrong with you, Lou. You look fine. In fact..." Kid had to pause again to control himself. "In fact, you look real nice."

"Yeah, Lou, pretty as ever," agreed Jimmy, giggling.

"You boys been breakin' the rules and passin' around a bottle of whisky? I don't look nice! I'm dirty and I'm sweaty, my glasses is bent out of shape, and I ain't had a bath since day before yesterday! Now what is goin' on?"

"You're one of a kind, Lou McCloud," Cody said in mock admiration. Then he paused, as if thoughtfully. "Oh, wait, guess I'll have to take that back."

For some reason the boys found this too hilarious for words, and they giggled like a pack of girls, even Ike, the traitor. Lou wrinkled her nose in disgust. "I'm goin' to find Rachel. Least I'll get some sense out of her! That'll be a nice change."

"Have a good time at the hen party," urged Noah.

Lou slammed the door on their laughter. "Rachel?" Straining her ears, she could hear two voices coming from down the hall. "Rachel?"

"In here, honey!"

Yawning, Lou trudged her way to the back, rubbing her neck and cursing her friends. She loved them, but they tried her nerves in ways she had never thought possible. 'Guess that's what comes from bunkin' up with a houseful of men,' she thought ruefully.

"Lou?"

"Comin', Rachel."

With another great yawn, Lou entered Rachel's spare room. She saw Rachel first, sitting on the edge of the bed. She could see legs extending to the foot of the bed, but Rachel was blocking the figure attached to them.

Hearing Lou's footsteps, Rachel rose, and turned to her, a secretive smile on her lips. "Hello, Louise."

Lou's mouth fell open at Rachel's startling slip of the tongue, but when her eyes registered the figure on the bed, she stopped short. The hat was off, the hair brushed back from dark blue eyes, and no significant changes otherwise, but Lou needed no prompting to see that the person before her was the rider from this afternoon, and suddenly the recognition she had felt earlier was clear as day: Jack Townsend was as much a she as she herself was. What was more, Lou could see the realization dawn in Jack's eyes when she looked back at her standing at the door.

Rachel let the silence linger for a few moments. "Louise McCloud, I'd like for you to meet Jill Townsend. Jill Townsend, this is Louise McCloud. And now, if you two will excuse me, I have to get supper ready for my hungry boys."

Lou and Jack were silent a good two or three minutes after Rachel bustled out of the room. Lou stood at the bed, turning her hat around and around in her hands, shifting from one foot to the other. Jack apparently found her bandaged hand fascinating, and stared at it with all her might.

Suddenly pulsing with adrenaline, Lou lifted her head and her wide, warm brown eyes met Jack's. She leaned forward at the waist, and her voice was sharp with excitement, "I thought I was the only one."

Jack's face lit up like a lantern and she sat up straight in bed. "So did I."

Without asking leave, Lou planted herself on the bed beside Jack, tossing her hat to the floor. She curled her legs up underneath her and couldn't speak for grinning. They regarded one another with great satisfaction. Even without Rachel's introduction, they would have known each other anywhere, for spirit had at last recognized spirit, and the bonds of familiarity were established so quickly it may very well have taken place with that first eye contact.

"No wonder you were such a fool about letting us examine you." Lou shook her head at the thought.

Jack laughed, then winced, holding her aching ribs. "I was in a right panic," she admitted, her accent friendly, the vowels rounded, the consonants pleasantly uneven.

Lou grinned. "I been in the same position, trust me, more than once. Got found out once...obviously," she laughed. "But it turned out for the best."

"It was your friends here?"

Lou nodded. "They're more like family, really. They've known almost from the beginnin'. One day the Kid and I-"

"The who?" Jack's eyebrows raised.

"The Kid," Lou repeated, laughing again. "I'll introduce you. One day I was wounded. Before I could stop him he'd unbuttoned my shirt, and well...it would have been pretty hard to keep lyin' to him. We kept it to ourselves for a while, but then eventually the rest of the boys and Teaspoon found out. Emma had known all along, but she's gone now. She was our station keeper till she and the marshal got hitched and left. Then Rachel came, and somehow she knew right away, too." Lou shrugged. She knew she was rambling, but Jack looked interested, and was hanging intently on every word. "We've all kept it quiet now, and the boys and Teaspoon and Rachel, well they're my family."

"How wonderful," Jack breathed in admiration.

Lou looked back at her. She'd never had anybody admire her before, but Jack looked unmistakably sincere. Lou flushed. "Yeah, I guess it is."

"No, it is." Jack nodded her head firmly, as if that put an end to any question of it. "Trust me, Lou, it's wonderful. I hope you appreciate how lucky you are to have so much support." Her eyes dimmed and she sighed. "You're very lucky."

"You mean no one knows about you?" Lou was incredulous. Despite the fact that she had never intended for anyone to know her secret, it was now incomprehensible that she could have managed so long without someone else in on the secret.

Jack managed a wan smile. "Jack Townsend is quiet and shy and keeps to himself. When the other boys want to take a dip in the creek, he manages to disappear, and they put it up to his being English and therefore very shy and awkward."

It was a bit disconcerting to hear Jack refer to herself in the third person, but Lou realized that while for her, the identity as Lou McCloud, Express rider, was an alter ego, to be taken off and put back on as she chose, for Jack it had become a part she was forced to play and unable to let slip for a moment for fear of discovery.

"Isn't there anyone you can trust?" It came out a whisper. Lou's eyes were wide, and she felt so much sympathy for Jack it nearly overwhelmed her.

"From what I've seen, no." Jack paused, blinking her eyes rapidly to ward off the tears. "There was someone...once...I thought perhaps I could trust him." She paused, swallowed hard. "But I couldn't, and now there's no one. Oh, it's not that I live with such a bad bunch," she went on, "but if they had the slightest idea that a girl was riding with them, doing chores alongside them, beating them at hands of poker, why, they'd turn me in just on principle." Once more she cracked a grin. "They're all right fellows, really, but they wouldn't tolerate a woman in their midst. They sort of indulge me because I'm the runt of the litter, and every so often they let me out of a bit of work, but not often."

"What about...certain...female things?" Lou waved her hand as if to indicate everything from bathing to fancying a fellow to monthly occurrences.

"Let's just say it's amazing what a girl can do when she sets her mind to something. We'll leave it at that."

They looked at each other for a minute and then grinned at each other. "Rachel said your name's Jill."

"That's right."

"Mine's Louise."

"That's lovely."

A question occurred to Lou. She opened her mouth to ask, but as she did she began to grin. Suddenly she knew the answer, and in a sing-song voice, she began, "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown-"

"And Jill came tumbling after!" broke in Jack as she leaned back against the headboard, laughing.

"Wait'll the boys hear about that," giggled Lou. "They thought I was pretty creative to think of goin' by Lou."

"You were. Some day, Lou, your grandchildren and great-grandchildren will tell stories about you."

Lou smiled and grew thoughtful. "Do you..." She looked down at the bedspread and picked at it with her fingers. She was afraid to look Jack in the eye to ask this question. What if she thought Lou was abominably vain for asking? But she had to ask. No one else could answer it. "Do you ever get upset...feel hurt...that people don't know you're a girl? Even though it was be so much trouble if they did see it, does it bother you that they don't?"

Lou had hardly finished what she was saying before Jack broke in, saying, "Always. It always bothers me, Lou."

Relieved, Lou leaned back against the wall. Her tone became lighter again. "Ain't it silly? I always feel so stupid when I feel that way. I think the boys know when I do. Least, they always kinda try to cheer me up when it happens, so somehow they must know. They're real good to me, Jack, and they try real hard. But nothin' makes up for it, I guess, not really. I used to think that it was because I wasn't pretty enough, wasn't special enough, that dressin' up as a boy was all it took for Louise to disappear. But I finally figured out-"

"That people don't see what they aren't looking for," Jack supplied.

They nodded together.

"Exactly."

"I've never...I've never talked to anyone so easily before, Lou." Their eyes met, shining at each other. "And it's been so long since I've really been able to talk to another woman, I can't even remember. I'm sorry if it offends you in any way, but I feel as if I've known you forever and I could tell you anything."

Lou reached out and took Jack's un-bandaged hand in both of hers. "Don't you feel one bit sorry. I feel the same. I feel like you're my friend, and I don't even know you real well yet."

"It's the circumstances, I suppose," Jack grinned. "We're in the same boat."

But Lou shook her head in disagreement. "No, it ain't. You and me, Jack, we'd be friends anyway."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

A knock at the door interrupted further revelations. Lou opened it and found six very curious young men standing outside in a huddle. "I'll be back in a minute," she said over her shoulder to Jack, and went out into the hall, closing the door behind her.

"Come out to the parlor, boys. I want to talk to you before I go and introduce y'all to her."

The boys followed dutifully, like a row of baby ducklings after their mother. In the kitchen, while Rachel prepared the meal, Lou stood before her friends like a tiny drill sergeant, her usually friendly dark eyes looking at them sharply, leveling them with her gaze.

"You boys listen to me, all right? Now, I ain't sayin' you can't be funny or friendly, or even charmin', 'cause God knows y'all got it in you, and I think Jack could keep up with the best of you." Here she fixed her steely eyes on Cody. "I think she's gonna be real nice to have around. All I'm tellin' y'all-and notice, I said tellin'-all I'm tellin' y'all is to be gentle right now, and let her ease into things, not be dunked in head first. We're the first to know about her bein' a girl, and it's been a bit upsettin' for her, although I think deep down she might be happy about it. So just you take it easy on her, you hear me?"

She didn't budge till she heard five voices agree, and saw Ike nod. "All right, then, follow me." At Jack's door, she knocked and poked her head in. "The boys would like to say hello. That okay with you?"

Jack had sat up against the headboard, a pillow propped behind her, and she had quickly thrown on her shirt. It was dusty and had dried patches of blood, but short of greeting her saviors for the first time in her unmentionables, it was the best that could be done. She nodded at Lou, and color flushed high in her cheeks. It had been a long time since she had had to meet a group of men, or any men at all, without the protective shield of a male exterior, and she suddenly felt very vulnerable. Knowing Lou would be among them was the only thing that made it bearable.

As they filed in, Jack's face grew softer in appreciation. In these men's eyes she saw kindness and concern, and their patient glances at Lou as they waited for further instruction touched Jack very much, and made her more than a bit wistful for the relationship Lou was lucky enough to share with them.

"Hello," she said to each of them as they stopped before her. Lou made her way to the head of the bed, positioning herself beside Jack, importance radiating from her in her new position as Jack's protector and friend. "Jack, I'd like for you to meet Ike McSwain, James Hickok, Buck Cross, Noah Dixon, William Cody, and this is the Kid." Each rider stepped forward, removing his hat, and extending his hand for Jack to shake. It was impossible to miss the soft caress in Lou's voice when she introduced the last rider, but Jack kept that secret thought to herself. "Boys, this is Jill Townsend. Jack," she amended.

"Hello," they chorused.

Jimmy wondered if anyone else felt as ridiculous as he did. What the hell had possessed them to think this girl was a boy? Any fool with half a brain would have seen through the clothes and the chopped-up chin-length hair, right through to the soft mouth and graceful neck, to the big, expressive eyes. But he reminded himself that their first introduction had been to a wounded, defensive creature who had left no time for closer inspection in any form. You would have thought their experience with Lou had taught them the lesson of looking deeper, but a man just didn't expect lightning to strike twice. This time it had come right out and slapped them in the face.

"I thank you for saving me," Jack offered sincerely.

Cody-always Cody-dipped a graceful bow, flashing his impish, triangular smile at her. "A pleasure, ma'am."

Despite Lou's warnings, Kid couldn't resist slapping Cody on the back of the head. "Fool," he hissed through his teeth. Buck and Ike rolled their eyes at one another. Jimmy and Noah just looked amused.

"They're all right, really," Lou assured her sarcastically. "It's even possible to be fond of 'em, but I won't hold you to it."

Jack noticed Noah looking at her with the same honest admiration she had given Lou. "If you don't mind my sayin' so, Jack, it's gonna be quite a place with you and Lou both around here."

"Is that a good thing?" Jack asked.

"Very," he said, and smiled a smile that warmed Jack deeply.

"Jack, you mind tellin' us what happened to get you all banged up like this?" ventured Jimmy.

Jack shrugged. It was a moment before she spoke, and when she did her voice was hesitant, "There isn't much to tell, really. With the Express shut down, the boys and I were getting restless at the station-I'm sure you don't need me to explain-and our station master decided to send one of us to St Joe. Not official business, but letters to the firm, bank deposits, I'm not certain what else. We all wanted to go so badly there was nearly bloodshed. We drew straws, and lucky me, I got to go.

"Last night, as I was setting up camp, I was ambushed. They took everything-the letters, the money, my money, the things I'd bought in town. Everything. Then they left me, and I made it here somehow."

"Do you think you might recognize 'em, or be able to give a description of 'em?" asked Kid.

Jack shook her head, and Lou watched the fear in her eyes as if she were reliving it all right here in this bedroom.

"I… I don't think so. It was getting very dark, you see. The most I could make out was two very tall man, and one very short and round. Then they blindfolded me, and I didn't see anything after that." Jack paused. "But whoever they were, I think they knew what they were doing. I don't think it was pure luck on their part that they attacked an Express rider."

Lou looked seriously into her eyes. "Jack, how do you feel?"

Jack tried to smile, but faltered within seconds. It was something in the kindness of Lou's eyes, the undercurrent of empathy in her voice, and the precariousness of her situation and the tale she had told. Jack's face crumpled and tears began to fall rapidly down her cheeks. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see their shocked expressions, and turned her head away towards the wall. But small, warm arms went around her, and Lou pulled her into a tight, protective embrace. Gratefully, Jack buried her head in Lou's shoulder and sobbed, her thin body shaking within the circle of Lou's arms.

The boys stood there, helpless to say or do anything. They all felt a horrible, overwhelming anger. Ike saw red fury in Jimmy's eyes.

Then Jimmy spoke up from the corner of the room, his voice low and hard, "We'll find the men who did this to you, Jack. We'll find them, I promise you."

Jack wanted to say something, to acknowledge his offer of assistance, but it had all suddenly hit her in an overwhelming rush, and she couldn't open her eyes. Instead she clung to Lou and a few moments later heard them all shuffle out, closing the door behind them.

When Jack opened blurry eyes, the room was filled with the dusky light of early morning, and she was alone. For a second she couldn't remember where she was, but as soon as she moved her aching wrist it all came back to her. She must have fallen asleep just after the boys left the room. The last thing she remembered was resting her head on Lou's shoulder and Lou talking to her in a calm, easy voice, telling her about Sweetwater and her friends in the Express, not saying much of anything, just soothing Jack with the sound of her voice.

Jack sat up carefully and planted her feet on the floor. Her entire body was stiff and sore and moving it took more strength than she had to spare, but she fought against the dizziness and sat up straight. There was a big, round mirror resting on a vanity table across from the bed, and Jack now had a full view of herself. For the first time she saw the damage that had been done to her, and her mouth fell open at the sight. Her eye was horribly puffy and bruised, her neck swollen with purple finger marks, her hair matted and dirty against her head. "Good God," she exclaimed aloud.

She was still wearing her filthy shirt and long johns. She felt disgustingly dirty, and longed for a bath. Her tired muscles cried out for hot, steaming water, and every inch of her skin begged for a bar of soap. Gritting her teeth at the pain, Jack stood on wobbly legs. Oh, God, the pain was excruciating. It felt as if her bones were rubbing against a steel brush rather than each other. She made another brave effort to walk, and before she realized it, her knees buckled and sent her crashing to the floor. As she went, she reached out to the vanity for support, and instead brought several trinkets and boxes down with her. She heard footsteps cutting through the hall, and the door to the room flew open. Rachel and Jimmy rushed inside.

"Oh, my goodness, darlin', are you all right?" Rachel exclaimed. Jack looked up at them, grinning sheepishly.

Her long, dark bangs fell in front of her eyes and she blew them out of the way. "I'm fine, Rachel. Just got a little ahead of myself and tried to perform a miracle."

Rachel and Jimmy laughed. "Here, let me help you," offered Jimmy. Strong arms reached underneath her and hoisted her over to the bed.

"Phew. Thanks."

"Any time." Jimmy smiled at her.

Rachel watched them, her eyes lighting up as she did. It was bad, she knew, but already she was imagining love on the horizon. Poor Jimmy was having such a hard time over Lou, it was be so nice if he could... She didn't allow herself to finish the thought. She had learned the hard way that it didn't pay to take a hand in other peoples' business.

"As long as you're all right..." Rachel began. Then she realized that Jack and Jimmy weren't paying her any attention. Jimmy was standing over the bed, smiling down at Jack, and she was laughing at something he was saying. 'Not yet,' Rachel thought to herself as she went back into the kitchen. 'Not yet. But...maybe some day.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Two days later Jack was pronounced well enough to move about on her own. Rachel had taken to calling in one of the boys to lift her when she needed to be moved around the house or taken outside, but already the young girl had begun to hobble about with the crutches Teaspoon had provided, and her nature was proving to be as stubborn and independent as any of the other riders at the station. More than once Rachel and Teaspoon remarked to each other that Jack would fit in easily to life at Sweetwater, in more ways than one.

The others didn't realize it, but Jack was happier and felt freer than she had since leaving England three years before. They had not been around to see the Jack with the veil of cautiousness always in her gaze, the Jack with her guard always up, always on the defensive.

The Jack they were beginning to know and like had bright, friendly eyes and willingly melted at the merest hint of kindness. She was interested in everything and everyone. She moved about the grounds of the station, practically skipping on her crutches. If you were to look up from shoeing a horse, she would be there, watching as if she had never seen it done before, and asking a million questions. She rode into town with Teaspoon one afternoon and fired questions at him relentlessly, wanting to know how he had become a sheriff, and why and when.

"That girl is a blithe spirit," Teaspoon said later that same day. It was a phrase he had read in a book once, and he liked the sound of it. He liked the sound of it so much that he said it again. "Yessir, that girl is a blithe spirit."

To no one's surprise, Lou and Jack took to one another greatly, and strolled around town talking together rapidly. Though she didn't have to, Jack would dress in her riding clothes on these occasions, feeling once more a kinship with Lou when she did. Besides, she teased Lou, she didn't want the townspeople to think Lou McCloud had himself a gal.

Lou and Jack had developed the habit of teasing one another mercilessly, and the bunkhouse often rang with their hysterical laughter. Jack could send Lou into fits of giggles, and Lou grew to love it when her new friend would suddenly fix on her with twinkling eyes and fire off a joke that hit as squarely and as surprisingly as any Cody could ever hope to make.

Within a fortnight Jack had settled in thoroughly, and by then the Express was up and running again. A few days after that, she tossed her crutches aside and gamely made her way around the station unaided. Though everyone watched with delight and gave a hearty round of applause when she was successful, each of them was more than a bit wistful with the realization that a now-mended Jack would soon be leaving Sweetwater. It had been strange at first to have her here, but now it didn't seem possible that she would be leaving.

Lou smiled at Jack as Jack smiled triumphantly back. "That's real good, Jack," she said, "I'm really glad for you."

Jack laughed happily and gave a little bow. "I'm going to take a walk-my first unassisted walk in nearly three weeks. Hooray!" She threw her hands up in the air and hopped gingerly down the porch steps, sauntering carefully away with renewed appreciation for her freedom.

The others went about their chores and errands, and it was only Lou and Jimmy left on the porch. Lou sat on the bench and propped her heels up on the railing in front of her. The wind whipped her brown hair about her face, but she didn't seem to notice. She looked pensive as she sat. Jimmy leaned over the railing and scanned the horizon, watching as Jack's silhouette disappeared over the hill. They were silent for a few minutes.

"What are you thinkin', Lou?"

Lou smiled vaguely and turned to look at him. "I guess I was thinkin' how much I'm gonna miss Jack when she finally goes."

"It don't seem like there was ever a time before she was here, does it?" Jimmy admitted, still watching the horizon.

"No, it don't. I wonder why that is."

"She's pretty full of life, I guess. Somehow she just fits right in."

Lou studied Jimmy for a moment. There was something new in his tone that made her curious, but she said nothing.

Jimmy sighed. "We'd better get used to it, I reckon. War's on the way and we're all gonna be scattered to the four winds. Might as well get used to losin' each other now."

Lou was startled. "Jimmy, don't talk like that."

"I ain't tryin' to think bad, Lou, I'm just statin' facts."

"I know." Lou shivered. "But I just don't like that kind of talk."

Jimmy went back to the original subject. "You'd like it if she stayed, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, I would." Lou gave a firm nod. She grinned. "I'd really like it a lot."

A moment passed, and then Jimmy began a slow descent down the steps. On the last step he paused, his eyes focused elsewhere. "So would I," he said, and continued on his way to the barn.

As much as Lou might wish otherwise, the time had come when Jack felt sure she had overstayed her welcome. Her ankle was well-healed, and she knew there was no other reason for her to stay. She had made excuses, but it had been over a month now, and she knew in her heart it was time to go, no matter how much she didn't want to. These people were far too kind to say so, but she was an extra mouth to feed, an extra bed to provide, and one more person to worry about. Besides which, she had an obligation to Russell, Majors, and Waddell, and that obligation did not include a vacation at their expense.

But it was so difficult to make herself leave. The ever-present smile on Ike's face, the sound of Rachel's warm laughter, or the quiet ease of Jimmy's company all served to remind her that here was a place she wanted to stay, here was a place that made her happy. She hadn't been truly happy since setting foot on the boat in Southampton that had taken her away from the land she loved so much. The thought of going back to her own station now filled her with the utmost dread. How could she go back there and hide once more, when the old Jack she remembered herself to be had emerged again at last?

One evening as she lay in the barn on a heap of straw, hands clasped behind her head, staring up at the rafters, Jack heard footsteps. She assumed it was Lou, who had taken to joining her sometimes, but when a shadow fell across her, it was Jimmy's.

He smiled down at her. "Hey, Jack."

"Hey, Jimmy."

"Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all." Jack's voice perfectly masked the jittery nerves under her skin. As Jimmy settled in beside her, working himself a place in the hay, her face was pink with embarrassment. She couldn't help thinking how shocked and horrified her proper grandmother would be if she knew. It was a great trial sometimes to be the product of such a prim English upbringing and having it crop up in the free-spirited American West at the most inconvenient times. Mostly Jack was fine around the boys, but sometimes if the Kid smiled at her a certain way, or Buck teasingly put his arm around her, she would inwardly dissolve into girlish mortification.

But slowly, as their mutual silence persisted, Jack's flush faded away, and she and Jimmy both lay there contentedly. The one thing she could never figure out was just why she always felt so comfortable around him. She was fond of them all, but being around Jimmy seemed to bring out the most calm, relaxed side of her, and she was thankful for it.

"Jimmy, I think I'll be leaving Sweetwater tomorrow."

He turned to his head to look at her, the hay rustling softly beneath him, then he turned back. "You think so?"

"Yes," she nodded firmly. "It's time I went on my way. You've all been overly generous, and I really shouldn't impose upon you any longer."

Jimmy chuckled, rolling his eyes good-naturedly up at the ceiling of the barn.

"What?" Jack demanded, raising her head to glare at him.

"Aw, nothin'," Jimmy replied. He paused. "You. You and that accent. I reckon it's like having the Queen in the next bunk."

Jack laughed in outrage and doused him with an armful of hay. "Very funny. And for your information, the Queen would be mortified to be told she sounded anything like me." She added as an afterthought, "It's also highly unlikely you'd ever find her in anything resembling a bunk."

Jimmy laughed. "How the hell did you manage to get away with that accent?" he asked, still grinning.

She shook her head. "I don't know, probably because I don't say too much."

"What's England like?"

Jack sighed wistfully. "Parts of it are beautiful, incredibly beautiful. And London is an exciting place." She paused. "But I don't want to talk about it."

Jimmy's eyes narrowed in confusion. It was the first time Jack had been unwilling to discuss anything. But, as was his way, he didn't push further. Instead he said, "You know, you don't have to go."

"Jimmy, how can you say that? You know I do. Listen, Buck may have said that my station manager took the news calmly, but I know the man, and he was fit to be tied. He doesn't understand anyone who takes the time to rest up if they've been hurt, he pushes us on no matter what. If I had pneumonia, or two broken legs, he'd throw me up on a horse himself if that's what it took. If he didn't have the fear and respect he does for Teaspoon, I promise you he would have ridden over here himself and hauled me back."

"Sounds like a rough character."

Jack looked away from his earnest gaze. " He just gets too focused. He doesn't tend to see the big picture."

After another moment's silence, Jimmy spoke quietly, "Lou says I'm like that."

"She knows you very well." Jack spoke assuredly.

"Yeah, I guess she knows us all pretty well."

Jack wrinkled her nose playfully. "Woman's intuition?"

Jimmy laughed again. "Somethin' like that, I guess." He looked at her as their laughter died down; looked into her dark blue eyes and felt a dangerous stirring in his chest. She didn't seem to notice: her eyes danced merrily, still lit by their moment of laughter, and she sighed and collapsed back on the hay.

"I love it here," she breathed. "I really do love it. I wonder why?" She paused and sighed again. "I suppose it's lots of things, everything, perhaps."

"You don't have to go," he said again.

"No, I do." This time her voice was lighter. "But you can rest assured, James Hickok, I will be back."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Jack planned her departure for the following Monday. On Thursday Cody took the first available moment to gather everyone together and discuss plans for a surprise dinner for her. Everyone was eager to go along with it, even Lou, but suddenly they noticed that Jimmy was shaking his head 'no.'

"Hickok, you old sad-sack," said Cody, "why not?"

"Jimmy, she'd love it." Rachel's brow was furrowed in confusion.

"I know she'd love it," agreed Jimmy. "That's the whole point, Rachel. Look, Jack don't want to leave. It's been a tough decision for her to make. I think us doin' somethin' that nice and thoughtful would make leavin' tougher. I say we all see her off, make her promise to write, let her know she's welcome to come back, and make her goodbye as easy for her as possible."

While everyone else grumbled that he was probably right, Lou studied Jimmy, her eyes wide with surprise at his insight. Even she hadn't seen it like that, and she knew Jack's thoughts and feelings like she knew her own.

She cornered him when the others had gone, pulling on his sleeve till he turned to face her. She looked deeply into his ever-serious gaze, searching...searching...

Suddenly Jimmy laughed. "God a'mighty, Lou, what are you lookin' for with those big eyes of yours? Whatever it is, I hope you found it."

But with a sigh, Lou realized that she hadn't.

Rachel found Jack perched on the corral fence, staring off into the shadows of midday, her head cocked to one side. She tapped Jack on the shoulder and smiled at the dreamy expression on the young girl's face. "What're you thinkin' about, young lady?" Rachel asked, leaning against the fence beside her. "Dreamin' about your knight in shining armor?"

In an equally dreamy voice, Jack replied, "I'm thinking of England."

Rachel laughed and watched Jack close her eyes and smile to herself. "You homesick?"

"Always." Jack opened her eyes and her expression had turned solemn. "I'm always homesick, Rachel. Sometimes this dust and heat start to drive me mad, and I think if I don't feel a cool sea breeze, I'll lose my mind." She was quiet for a moment. Then she broke into a wide, radiant grin, as sunny as the day. "But that goes away. I love it here. I love this place, I love this country. And I love Sweetwater. I love it." She leaned her toward the Rachel with a conspiratorial air. "If I could just get to London once a month," she whispered, "I'd be happy as a lark."

Rachel laughed again, patting Jack's hand. "I wish we could bring London to you, sugar, if it meant you'd stay here."

"Alas, Mother Hen, duty calls; and if nothing else, the call of duty is one lesson drilled into the head of every English child." And Jack turned her closed eyes once more to the warmth of the sun.

They sat in silence for a few moments. Then Rachel spoke again. "What was your life like there?" She had promised herself she wouldn't ask this question. All reports had indicated that Jack did not care to discuss the details of her life, but Rachel found that she couldn't help herself, and before she knew it, the question was out. To add to her surprise, the girl began to answer.

"It was quiet," she said slowly. "I grew up in Shropshire, just across the border from Wales. It's some of the most beautiful land in England. My father owned a bookstore and my mother ran the library. That's how I learned about America, and horses, and the West: I read. Everything I could get my hands on. We took trips often. Sometimes when I was walking through the waves on the edge of the beach in Cornwall, I'd be imagining myself lost in the Appalachians, with only my trusty Indian sidekick to guide me. Or pretending to be riding my faithful mount through the plains, when really we were riding a carriage in Dublin." She turned to look at Rachel, her eyes dancing with amusement. "Wasn't it silly?"

"All children's play is necessary, even if it is silly," reassured Rachel.

"Yes, well, that's a long time past now." A change came over Jack. Her eyes came back into sharp focus and she lost the soft expression. She touched a long wave that curled over her ear. "And I need a haircut."

The abrupt change of subject left Rachel feeling a little dizzy, but she followed Jack as she hopped down from the fence and strode toward the bunkhouse. In a few moments Rachel had a towel draped around the girl's shoulders as Jack sat in a chair on the porch. Buck and Noah began to engage the two of them in lively chit-chat, and Ike lounged at Jack's feet, amusing himself by untying and retying the laces of her boots.

In the distance Jack could see Kid and Lou meandering slowly over the hill, so close their arms touched, their heads bent deep in conversation. She watched Lou react to something Kid said, throwing back her head and laughing with great enjoyment. She couldn't see the Kid's face, but Jack knew he was smiling, eyes shining with adoration, delighted with the response he'd gotten from the young woman by his side.

Down the road Jack could see the approaching figures of Jimmy and Teaspoon, as yet only images, slightly blurry. They were on their horses, riding alongside one another at a leisurely pace as if out for a Sunday stroll, both of them with their faces turned to the scenery passing them by, an easy camaraderie between them. In the bunkhouse Cody's snores reminded her of the foghorn on the boat that had carried her from Southampton.

As Rachel and Buck and Noah lit upon the topic of the general store's rising prices, Jack felt Rachel's strong, cool, capable hands at the nape of her neck, straightening out the dampened, curling edges of her hair. Ike was a comfortably annoying presence at her feet, poking her now with a twig. The sun was warm and a cool breeze sifted through the air, stirring the leaves into a melodious rustling. Jack felt calm and comfortable, her insides humming with gentle energy. And Jimmy's smile was becoming clearer as he neared the bunkhouse.

'I don't want to go,' she thought for the hundredth time that day, and closed her eyes to concentrate on the curt snip of Rachel's scissors and the soothing laughter of friends.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

On Sunday everyone scattered with this excuse and that, until Jack found that it was just the Kid, Lou, Jimmy, and herself left. It was another beautiful day; summer was drawing to a close, and Jack felt a nervous excitement running through her. She wanted to be out, running, jumping, laughing, doing something. The others seemed to feel the same. They had been sitting on the porch for barely ten minutes before Lou spoke up, mischief twinkling in her eyes.

"I do believe I've finally packed on some pounds," she said.

The Kid poked lovingly at her ribs with his finger and his smile was teasing. "Maybe just a bit."

Lou poked back. "You could stand to gain some yourself, mister. You're skin and bones."

Jimmy was watching his friends with a bemused eye. Jack was giggling.

Lou continued, "Why, I bet those scrawny arms of yours couldn't lift a ten-pound sack of feed."

"I could lift you, Louise McCloud, you and that big mouth of yours. Why, I bet I could carry you from here to the barn and not break a sweat."

"Is that a bet?"

"Why not?" The Kid stood, a big, handsome grin on his face. He put out his hand. "Shake on it?"

"Well, now, why don't we make it a bit more interesting?" Jimmy spoke up, his challenge a slow drawl. "I'll bet you, Kid, that you can't carry Lou from here to the barn and back again in less time than I can."

The Kid cocked his head to one side and thought for a moment. But only a moment. "You're on, Jimmy!" He bent at the waist to slip his arms under Lou's legs, but Lou was struck with another idea.

"Wait, wait!" she cried excitedly. "I have a better idea! Jack's the same size as me. We'll make it a race! Jimmy, you carry Jack, and Kid'll carry me. We'll race to the barn and back to the porch and first fella that don't drop his girl-"

"Or makes it back," Kid interrupted haughtily.

Lou waved him away impatiently. "Wins!" she finished. "And no piggyback! You have to carry her in your arms!" She jumped to her feet, triumphant, hands on her hips. "Come on, Jack!"

Jack followed Lou, unsure. "Lou, I don't know..."

"Too late!" Abruptly, Jimmy's right arm slipped under Jack's knees and his left arm around her shoulders. In one sudden move he swung her up and they were face to face. Jimmy was laughing. "Gotcha," he said.

Not to be outdone, Kid quickly picked Lou up. Lou winked at Jack. Jack could do nothing but laugh helplessly and hold onto Jimmy's neck.

"Ready?" Lou tightened her grip on the Kid. "Get set!" The Kid and Jimmy poised themselves for take-off. "Go!"

It felt more like Jimmy was jogging than running. Jack felt horribly guilty for the obvious strain she was, but then that went away as she remembered the fun of the moment. Soon she was cheering Jimmy on as loudly as Lou was cheering Kid.

Jimmy and the Kid made it to the barn within seconds of each other, but it was when they made the turn back to the bunkhouse that it became clear Jimmy was going to win the race. He pulled ahead of the Kid and was halfway past the corral when it happened: his foot connected with a rock in his path and his ankle gave way. Suddenly he pitched forward and Jack went flying out of his arms. She tumbled and rolled and landed at the edge of the bunkhouse. Jimmy hadn't fared quite so well.

"Lord, Jimmy, are you all right?"

Jack stood, brushing herself off and shaking her head to clear it. Her eyes focused again and she saw Lou stooping over Jimmy in concern-Jimmy, who had landed in a mudhole, face first. Kid wasn't even pretending not to be amused. He was doubled at the waist, slapping his knee and laughing. Lou was biting her lower lip in a valiant effort not to follow his example. "Jimmy, are you all right?" she repeated, choking back the laughter that bubbled at her lips.

Jimmy glared up at her from two dark eyes in the midst of a mud-covered face. "Do I look all right to you, Louise?"

Jack snickered. Jimmy's eyes slid over to her. "You think it's pretty funny, do you?" he challenged. Jack nodded, covering her mouth with her hands.

Jimmy stood, as dignified as he could manage, and flipped his wet, muddy brown hair back from his face, splattering the front and shoulders of his shirt. Jack exploded with a snort of laughter. "Oh, Jimmy, I'm sorry," she stopped to fight back another giggle, barely able to get the words out. "I'm sorry, but you just look so funny!"

He watched her for a moment, his eyes strangely distant. "Well, I'm just glad I could amuse you all," he said finally.

He walked away. Lou and Kid were still giggling, but Jack had sobered, worried. Was Jimmy angry? From what she had seen of him these past few weeks he had as good a sense of humor as anyone, but maybe they had gone too far laughing at him like this. She didn't want to leave with Jimmy upset at her.

When she turned, Lou had been watching her watch Jimmy, and Jack felt that her keen eyes were taking everything in, coming to conclusions Jack herself hadn't come to yet.

Supper that evening was a quiet affair, much quieter than Jack had grown accustomed to. Cody regaled them with the thousandth retelling of one of the many exploits that had begun to sound like all the others, but instead of the usual comments and remarks that followed, everyone was close-mouthed. Lou kept staring at her sadly, and Jimmy wouldn't look at her at all. He had to be angry with her, though he was the same as ever to Kid and Lou.

After supper everyone gathered on the porch and the pleasant sound of cicadas filled in the silence. Rachel rocked slowly in her chair, fanning herself, and humming. Everyone seemed to be staring at the star-filled sky. It was so beautiful and clear tonight, and the air had that crisp, clean smell that only a late summer night could have. No one said a word about tomorrow's imminent departure, but Jack's eyes filled with tears anyway.

They fell easily into talk and the night passed quickly by. Far too quickly. When Teaspoon announced that it was nine o'clock, everyone started with surprise. "You'd better get your rest, gal," Teaspoon said softly. "You've got a long ride ahead of you."

It was the first time the subject had been mentioned all day. "Yes, you're right," Jack agreed.

"We'll be up with you first thing," promised Buck. "All of us. We'll see you off."

"Thanks, Buck."

Slowly they all said good night and headed for bed. Jimmy excused himself and walked off in the direction of the stables. At last it was only Jack left on the porch. She sat on the railing, as she had a habit of doing, and looked at the stars for a long time. What she had told Rachel was true: she had grown to love this country. She still missed England with all her heart, but this place and these people had become dear to her. Especially these people. She dreaded tomorrow more than she had anything since leaving England.

In the stables Jimmy had lit a lantern and was cleaning his guns by its meager light. He heard footsteps and found Jack before him.

"I don't think I've ever seen anyone clean their guns more than you," she laughed nervously.

He nodded.

"Jimmy—Jimmy, I'm sorry."

He looked back at her, startled. "Sorry?"

"About earlier. About this afternoon. I'm sorry for laughing at you."

Jimmy's face brightened in a grin. "What are you sorry for? Lord, I'm sure I looked a sight, drippin' with mud like that."

Jack was amazed. "I thought you were upset. You just stormed off, and you didn't say a word to me at dinner."

"Aw, I wasn't upset. Believe me, that was pretty mild compared to some of the stuff I've laughed at the others for. Nah, don't worry about it." He continued to clean his gun. "I—I guess I was quiet at dinner because...well, I was thinkin' about how strange it's goin' to be when you're gone."

"Really?"

"You've really become a part of this place, Jack. It just reminded me that one day we're all going to be split up. I guess I don't like the thought."

One of their comfortable silences followed. Jimmy polished and Jack watched, and they were both content. But Jimmy knew that what he said wasn't entirely true. How could he tell Jack that he had been thinking about her laughter, about the sound of her laughter directed at him, about wanting to hear her laughter for the rest of his life?


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Monday morning dawned with welcoming sunshine. As Buck had promised, everyone was up and waiting while Jack finished saddling her horse and packing up what few belongings were hers. Her horse, Molasses, didn't seem any more eager to be leaving than Jack was. But her few minutes of preparation were over at last, and there was nothing left but to say goodbye.

Rachel stepped forward first, unashamed of the tears in her clear eyes. She thrust a bag of food into Jack's hands and pulled Jack into her arms. "You be careful now, sugar," she whispered into Jack's ear. "Remember you are always welcome here. Always." Her embrace was loving and maternal... Rachel standing on the porch in the fading light of day, her arms crossed over her chest, leaning against the railing with a broad smile on her face, calling them to supper.

Ike smiled at her and his hands moved rapidly. She had begun to learn his signs, but still needed a translator most of the time. Buck moved to Ike's side. "He says to be careful," Buck informed her, "and to write us, and he wants to know if he can have a kiss?" Everyone laughed and Ike grinned wickedly. Jack leaned forward and pressed her lips softly to his cheek. They hugged and Ike back away with a friendly nod... Ike at the table, sketchbook in his hands, his pencil skimming like lightning over the paper.

Buck hugged her, too...Buck walking into town with that proud tilt of his head, that proud assuredness in his step, daring anyone to think he was less than they were because of the color of his skin...and said, "You can always come back, you know." His dark eyes told her, 'Come back.'

Noah's grip was strong when he shook her hand. He stiffened when she pecked his cheek lightly...the white flash of Noah's teeth when he opened his mouth wide to laugh uproariously, the way he clapped his hands when something struck him as especially funny...and he only nodded. "Goodbye, Jack. Ride safe."

For once Cody's face was almost serious. He squeezed Jack tightly in his arms and patted her back, then tapped his cheek with his forefinger, inviting a kiss, which Jack bestowed on him. "Ride safe, Jack"... Cody's eyes lighting up with enjoyment at the telling of his own story, the delighted chuckle he gave when he was finished.

The Kid's arms were protective around her. "You watch out for yourself, for our sake, too, all right? You're a part of this family now. We can't lose you." He kissed the top of her head... the way the Kid ducked his head when he was embarrassed, shifting on his feet, looking up anxiously, eyes full of kindness.

Teaspoon with his surly drawl, the way he narrowed his eyes and seemed to see right through you... Stepping up to her, he kissed her and held her hands in his. "You come back to us, you hear me? You ain't got to leave like this, but I understand why you are." Then he stepped back and wiped his eyes, characteristically sentimental.

Jack could hardly bear to look Lou in the eye. She felt as if she were leaving a sister behind, and knew she could never choose just one memory of Lou to keep. There were far too many: Lou laughing, Lou teasing, Lou looking at the Kid with consternation and then five minutes later with gushing love. Lou's friendship would sustain her for the rest of her life if necessary, but Jack prayed that wouldn't be necessary. She wanted to see a Lou as a blushing bride walking down the aisle on Teaspoon's arm to a waiting Kid. She wanted to see Lou as a mother, bustling about in her own kitchen, her own stables. She wanted a friendship for a lifetime, but who knew what lay in store? Her hug with Lou was as sad as only two best friends saying goodbye could be. "Write me, Jack."

"Yes."

"Don't just say it, do it. And I'll write you, too."

"Yes."

They squeezed hands and said no more.

Many memories of Jimmy came to mind, but she knew that as long as she lived, when she thought of him, this would be the memory fixed in her mind: Jimmy standing beside Molasses, one hand on the horse's back, looking at her with serious eyes, his hat off his head for once, long hair laying on his shoulders. What complicated feelings she had grown to have for Jimmy were not quite apparent to her, but her affection was strong, she knew that. They shook hands, a little uneasily.

"Take care, Jack. Let us know you're all right. Maybe we'll bump into each other on a run, who knows?"

"Who knows?" Jack agreed. She placed her foot in the stirrup and swung up to sit on Molasses. "Thank you all for everything," she said to them. "Everything."

"Jack..." Jimmy cleared his throat. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry...I'm sorry we didn't catch those men who hurt you. I know I promised you, but I didn't follow through on that promise, and...I'm sorry."

Jack looked down at him from atop her horse, hating his guilt, hating that she had caused it to be. "Jimmy," she said, and their eyes met again, "sometimes we don't always catch the bad guy."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

The Apple Ridge station was unchanged from the last time Jack had seen it. The day she had departed, Hank and Ollie were to have begun white-washing the fence, but now, four and a half weeks later, it stood there as brown and ugly as ever. The bench on the porch was still cracked in half from when Den had decided to take a flying leap from the railing to its weathered seat more than six months ago. Jack rode slowly, reluctantly to the stables. She removed everything from Molasses, slung her mochila over her shoulders and headed inside the bunkhouse.

Hank and Ollie were playing cards at the kitchen table and Davie was asleep on his bunk. She didn't see Den or Rich immediately; either they were out on runs or in town visiting their favorite saloon girls. Despite the fact that the firm frowned upon drinking, and its consumption was vehemently forbidden in the Express oath, Bart, the Apple Ridge stationmaster, shed a kindly eye on the boys' carousing, and indulged their frequent visits to the saloon.

"Well, look who's here." It was either Hank or Ollie that had said it, but Jack wasn't sure which. They weren't related, but they looked alike and sounded alike and were always together. They were the Buck and Ike of the their station, only far less gentle and likable, Jack reflected.

"Where's Bart?"

"Out back." Ollie jerked his thumb in the direction of the corral. "Breakin' the new horses we got last week."

"You all better?" David had woken from his nap and was peering down at Jack from his top bunk.

Jack nodded. "Mending nicely, Davie, thanks."

"Well, don't get too comfortable. You're scheduled for a run first thing in the morning. You knew Bart wasn't gonna waste no time."

Jack laughed. She had a friendly, if arm's-length friendship with David. "Thanks for the warning."

"Good to have you back," Hank acknowledged briefly. "Been pretty busy around here."

The moment she walked outside, Bart spied Jack and jumped down from the beautiful black mare he was riding, joining her where she stood watching. "Welcome back." He didn't sound as if he meant it, exactly. "I suppose one of the boys told you you're on a run tomorrow." When Jack nodded, he went on, "You're gonna have to work hard to make it up to these boys. They've been carryin' an extra load since you went away to recuperate in Sweetwater." He said 'recuperate' in a tone that implied recuperating was the same thing as vacationing. Jack reflected guiltily that in this instance he was right.

"Yes, sir." Jack knew it was best to be brief with Bart. No excuses, no explanations, and certainly no defenses, just 'yes sir' and 'no sir' as they applied.

"I suppose restin' up at Sweetwater's got ya soft. Teaspoon Hunter is a doddering, indulgent ol' fool with them boys."

Jack thought back to the many times Bart had overlooked a drunken rider who was not able to make his run when he was scheduled to, to the countless times he had watched riders in fistfights and laughed, making no move to intervene during the fight or to reprimand afterward; and she compared him with Teaspoon, who doled punishments out like candy when it was appropriate, and ruled the Sweetwater riders with a benevolent iron fist. No one in the Apple Ridge outfit had the least bit of respect for Bart, and each took every opportunity to cross him in some way, whereas Jack would have been willing to bet the Sweetwater riders would sooner have died than betray Teaspoon in any form. But she still said nothing.

Bart eyed her, waiting. When she remained silent he shook his head and waved his hand to dismiss her. "Go on and get some sleep, then. Be ready first thing in the mornin'."

Jack slipped back into life at Apple Ridge much easier than she had anticipated. She went on runs, she did her chores, she squabbled with the boys and more than once she locked horns with Bart. She missed her friends at Sweetwater every day. At night she found herself dreaming of Jimmy, and during the day she remembered his smile, his low voice, the solace of his company. Such thoughts made her nervous and uncomfortable around the boys, as if they might be reading her mind somehow.

Her first letter from Lou came within a fortnight. A young boy named Jesse had come to the station, and Lou wrote all about him, about his restlessness and his immaturity, how he grated the boys' nerves and had a bit of a crush on Rachel. Jack wrote promptly back, telling Lou about Den getting barred from the local saloon and Hank and Ollie having a falling out that resulted in their not speaking to one another for nearly three days. Jack was very much looking forward to a correspondence with Lou, and she eagerly asked after all the boys, saving Jimmy for last, not sure if that was the most, or least, subtle route to take.

A few days after she sent out her letter to Lou, Jack helped Bart carry in the weekly supply of feed for the horses and as she stooped to haul up the second big sack, she felt a terrible pull in her back and she dropped the bag, hunching over the wagon. It was a familiar pain, one she had nursed during her recovery at Sweetwater. The most she could do was hobble back to the bunkhouse, and Bart was, needless to say, none too pleased.

Jack protested loudly, but Doc Cranston was finally summoned, and if he found her request to be examined alone the least bit strange, he didn't say so. "These English folks are a might peculiar," he murmured to Bart as Bart made his grumbling way out the door. "Best not to upset the boy if he's feelin' modest."

When Bart had gone Jack turned to Doc with pleading eyes. She had decided not to give anything away unless she absolutely had to. "Doc, please. I'm fine. I don't need an examination."

"Son, I'm just goin' to take a look at your back and maybe prescribe some liniment. It'll take me five minutes."

"Doc, I feel fine. I really don't need to be examined."

Now Doc fixed Jack with a skeptical eye. "What's this all about, son? I walk in here to find you barely able to move and you're tellin' me you're fine?"

Jack nodded.

"I've come across some fraidy-cats in my profession, but you about beat all. It ain't like I'm goin' to give you a shot or bleed you or somethin', kid. Be reasonable about this. And if you won't listen to reason, listen to this: I'm workin' for the Pony Express here. Not Bart Phillips and certainly not you. Russell, Majors, and Waddell. You heard of 'em? Well, they're the ones payin' this bill, and as far as I'm concerned I'm takin' care of their investment. And as the investment, you ain't got no say in it. Now shuck off that shirt, boy, and let me take a look at ya. You ain't the only patient I got to see today."

"That's just it, Doc..." Jack was desperate now. "I'm not...Doc, listen to me: you can't tell anyone. You can't, all right, Doc?"

"What are you talkin' about? Who are you to tell me what I can and can't say? I can't promise nothin' till I know what I'm promisin'. I'm losin' patience with you, son."

With tear-filled eyes Jack raised her shirt over her head. Doc's eyes fell immediately on her chest tightly bound in strips of white cotton cloth. He seemed surprised, but not especially shocked.

"Well, my word..." he breathed in amazement. "I never woulda guessed." He grinned. "You poor kid, no wonder you was ready to keel over." He shook his head. "I can't say I approve, my dear; I got three daughters of my own, and if I knew one of 'em was makin' her livin' the way you are, I believe I'd have me an apoplectic fit." Sighing, he said, "Still, I guess we all got to make our own livin' any way we can. It ain't for me to judge you or your reasons for bein' here. God knows there are worse professions I could find you in. Rest easy, child, your secret's safe with me."

"She'll find that I can't make the same promise." Bart spoke from where he stood framed by the doorway, the afternoon sun directly behind him. The light was in her eyes, obscuring his features, but Jack didn't need to see his face to know his expression was one of utter fury.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9**

Lou watched the shadow of her bare feet glide back and forth over the floorboards as she rocked gently on the porch swing. The sun was meandering down over the horizon on an unseasonably warm, early autumn day, and she was waiting for the Kid to return from Apple Ridge. He had been gone four days now, and surely he was on his way back with news of Jack, or maybe with Jack herself. Lou was anxious to know one way or the other. Jack's letters had faltered after barely a month, and not a week went by when Lou did not pray that word would come from her friend, explaining why.

It had been three months now since Lou had last heard from her; three long, eventful, heartbreaking months. Until then Lou had made excuses as to why she had not heard from Jack, imagining a heavy work load, or heaven forbid another infirmary. But when Lou's letter informing Jack of Ike's death was never answered, when Jack didn't show up for the funeral of someone she had grown to care for so deeply, Lou knew without a doubt that something was wrong. It was only now that the others were willing to listen, and Teaspoon had agreed to send the Kid out to Apple Ridge. Even Jimmy had waved Lou's fears aside, assuring her that despite her frailties, Jack knew how to take care of herself. Cody tried to convince her that Jack had probably had a run the week of Ike's funeral and been unable to make it, and Buck, who was so crushed by his friend's murder that he was barely functioning, was angry at what he saw as Jack forgetting those who had taken her in when she had no one, forgetting the kindnesses Ike had always shown her. Nothing anyone said could get through to him.

For his part, Jesse was perplexed by what exactly this Jack person meant to everyone. He had heard stories about her, and seen the grins spread across Lou's pretty face when she talked about Jack, and the funny way Hickok's face softened when someone mentioned her name, and the fatherly way Teaspoon spoke of her, as he spoke of them all.

Now everyone was acting so strangely since Ike's death, and Jesse just couldn't understand it. He'd liked Ike, of course, and been saddened by his death, and he felt sad when he looked at Ike's now-empty bunk or passed by the stall of Ike's horse, but it still confused him to see the way everyone around him was acting so differently from what he'd grown used to. His ma had told him long ago that grief made people feel like doing and saying things they'd never think of doing or saying otherwise, and now Lou, who Jesse had always considered as level-headed and smart as she was pretty, was hell-bent on finding this Jack girl.

It grew darker and Kid did not appear on the horizon. The air was growing chilly and Rachel called her into supper, but still Lou did not budge from the swing. She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and thought of the letter she had written to Jack after Ike was murdered. 'I can't help thinking that this is only the beginning of bad things to come,' she had written. 'Kid says it's not like me to think like that, but I can't help it, Jack. I know that one day I am going to have say goodbye to everyone I love, in some way or another, and so much sooner than I had ever expected. This talk of war is growing stronger, and the men in town say every day that by next year we'll all be firing upon our own countrymen. I can't imagine such a world, Jack. I know that the last of any childhood I have held onto died with Ike. I can never look at the world in the same way again.'

Her lids began to droop over her eyes and the cool wind nipped at her cheeks and nose. She was awakened by Jimmy, who stood over her, nervous excitement in his voice. "Lou. Lou, wake up. Kid's comin'."

Lou started awake and jumped to her feet, the blanket slipping from her shoulders to the floorboards at her feet. She could see Katy galloping briskly towards the station, and without thinking, she grabbed Jimmy's hands. "Oh, Jimmy," she breathed. He squeezed her hands so tightly she turned to look at him, and though his chin was set as firmly as ever, and his mouth was a straight line of calm, she could see in his eyes that he was as anxious as she was.

It was dusk now, and Lou couldn't see Kid's face as he grew nearer. He stopped Katy at the corral, where she stood and waited patiently as he walked toward Lou and Jimmy. He took off his hat and turned it around and around in his hands, clearing his throat.

"Kid, what is it?" It was Jimmy's rough voice that formed the words for her.

"They...they found out about Jack, Lou. She was injured, and the doc came to examine her, and the station master found out that way. He walked in, or the doc told him, or something, I'm not sure. I couldn't get a straight answer out of any of those boys."

"And Jack?" Lou whispered. "Where is she? How is she?"

"They don't know, Lou...they don't know."

"They don't _know_?!"

"Bart - the station master - got rid of her, Lou. He sent her packin'; didn't even give her her last wages. None of them knew where she'd gone."

"What the hell kind of boys _are_ they?" Jimmy barked. "That girl worked alongside them all those months and they just stood by and watched her go?"

"Not everyone has the sense of loyalty that you do, Jimmy," Kid explained calmly.

"Is that all you got to say, Kid? They don't have a sense of _loyalty_? That doesn't do Jack any good! How long has she been gone?"

Kid hesitated. "About three months."

"You see?" Lou exploded at them both. "You see? I was right. I _knew_ somethin' was wrong, and y'all just ignored me!"

"Okay, you were right, Lou. Are you happy?" snapped Jimmy.

Lou pushed him away. "Oh, yeah, Jimmy, I'm _real_ happy. Jack's gone missin' without hardly a penny to her name, none of those worthless Apple Ridge boys have any idea where she's gone, and _we've_ wasted three months we coulda spent searchin' for her! Yeah, Jimmy, I'm just thrilled!"

Rachel came out on the porch with a bang of the screen door. "What in the _world_ is goin' on out here?" She saw the Kid standing there and suddenly she was frightened. "Kid? Is it Jack?"

"She's gone, Rachel," Kid said simply. "The station master found out she was a girl and fired her. No one knows where she is now."

"Oh, God," Rachel looked pale.

"How do we find her?" Lou asked rhetorically. "How are we supposed to find her? She could be anywhere."

"Now, Lou, maybe she's all right," cautioned Kid.

"She ain't all right! I know she ain't all right! If she was all right, I woulda heard from her by now! Haven't you listened to me at all these past few months, Kid? The whole reason I got scared was because I hadn't heard from her. If she was all right, she would have written me, 'Lou, I got found out, but I'm all right'!" Lou was screaming now.

"Oh, sugar, you have got to calm yourself." Rachel put smooth, perfume-scented arms around the girl and held her close. "Shh. There, there, now. Let's calm you down and we'll discuss this calmly, like level-headed adults."

But there would be no discussing for Jimmy. He didn't follow them into the house. He sat on the porch and thought long and hard. His world had changed so much since Jack had come into their lives. Before her, his love for Lou had swallowed him whole, made him feel restless and unsettled, made him hurt so bad because she wasn't his, she belonged to someone else. Despite Lou's indignant claims that she belonged only to herself, Jimmy knew there was nothing as sure to make you belong to someone as loving them and them loving you back. He had wanted Lou so fiercely and watching her with the Kid had been his personal brand of torture.

Since Jack, all that had changed. He could pinpoint the exact moment he knew he loved her: watching her stand there laughing at him that day he and the Kid had raced to the barn with the two girls. He remembered very clearly laying in the dirty puddle, looking up at Jack's face pink with laughter, her eyes lit up, the sound of her hearty, breathless chuckle. He loved Jack differently than he had loved Lou; it was quieter, calmer, more soothing, and somehow consumed him twice as overwhelmingly. Even if she didn't love him, even if she never grew to love him, he loved her, and finding her had suddenly become the most important thing in the world.

The next morning Jimmy was gone, and there was a short note on Lou's pillow:

_I went to find her. Tell Teaspoon I'm sorry I went without him saying it was okay. I'll write as soon as I have something to tell you. Please don't follow me. Stay with Kid and get ready to be a bride.  
Jimmy_

Lou sat up on the bunk and read the note over and over. If she had needed confirmation that Jimmy loved Jack, she had it right now. Nothing had been said or even implied, but she knew Jimmy, and these actions spoke plainly to her. The others snored around her; she, Cody, and the Kid were to have left this morning and begun their own search for Jack, under Teaspoon's strict instructions. She wanted to help, to be a part of the search for the young woman who was her dearest friend, but at the same time she knew Jimmy was trusting her to stay behind.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

The landlady woke Jack with her usual door-banging and screeching. The tirade typically began at an unforgiving six a.m., and didn't cease until late in the evening when the landlady, whose name was Polly, began drinking and, curiously enough, grew quiet. Jack had now become used to this routine, and Polly, who was not unfriendly, was rather fond of the small young 'boy' who had come to stay in her boarding house and saloon. She especially liked Jack's accent, and teased her about it, asking Jack to say certain things like "oh, bother," "fancy that," and Jack's favorite mild curse, "Blimey O'Reilly," which sent her into fits of laughter.

New York was a frightening yet wholly interesting place. It wasn't as big as London, but it was certainly growing close, and it had none of the familiarity that London had. She had frequented London often in her young life, but the short time she had spent in America, in the small, dusty towns she had traveled for the Express, had made her edgy in the city, nervous, unsure of herself.

It had taken her nearly six weeks for her cuts and bruises to heal, and Bart's fists hadn't been kind to her still-fragile ribs, either. Doc Cranston had helped her as much as he could, but he was frightened of Bart, and uneasy about allowing Jack to shelter herself in his home. Bart had been made a fool of, certainly in his own eyes, and his temper was one to be reckoned with. Jack had stayed with Doc for a few days and then left, heading east, not exactly sure where she was intending to go.

She thought of Sweetwater and her friends at least a hundred times a day. She remembered everyone telling her to come back, Rachel telling her on several occasions that she would always be welcome, no matter what. She longed for them all, for the comfort and support she knew they would give, and contemplated turning her horse around and going back to Sweetwater nearly every day as she traveled east, but she never did. Bart's words still rang in her ears, "Did Teaspoon Hunter and those Sweetwater boys know about this? I swear to God, Townsend, if I ever catch wind that you're anywhere near a Pony Express station again, I'll have you hauled into jail, and Teaspoon Hunter with you! I don't care if he is the marshal in that town! One word to the firm and I can have him arrested faster'n you can blink!"

Bart was a bully and a coward but it was clear he had every intention of following through on his threat. And so she had continued on with no clear idea of where she might end up, until suddenly, tired of camping on roadsides, she had decided on New York City. Just now she needed the anonymity of a big city.

Polly's boarding house was right in the city. It wasn't an entirely disagreeable place: it was clean and respectable, all the boarders were urbane businessmen and wandering gentlemen cowboys, and the saloon girls were polite to Jack and thankfully kept their distance. Polly sensed something different about Jack, but her nearsightedness and disregard for any circumstances other than her own left her unsure as to what exactly it was that set Jack apart from her other lodgers. She chalked it up to Jack being a foreigner and left it at that.

Jack had forgotten how much she liked New York. There was a bustling excitement to it that appealed to her greatly. But she felt guilty that she hadn't written Lou to let her know she was all right; Lou, with her keen instincts about those she loved, would surely have sensed something was wrong by now. There were so many explanations Jack knew she owed to those wonderful people who had taken her in, when they could just as easily have sent her packing as Bart had done. But she couldn't go back and endanger them or their lives in any way. There was so little she could do for them to repay their many kindnesses, the least she could do was stay away. But she really did owe Lou a letter.

One Sunday, when the boarding house was quiet-Polly insisted that she and her saloon girls attend church regularly and always closed business on the Sabbath-Jack sat down to begin her letter.

_Dear Lou_, she wrote, _Forgive me for neglecting you for so long. I have thought this letter out many times in my head, and I have certainly intended to write it, but what with one thing and another, I have put it off. I guess the Robert Burns poem applies to me:_

_The best-laid schemes of mice and men _  
_go oft astray _  
_And leave us nothing but grief and pain _  
_for promised joy._ _It's something my mother used to tell me when I was a little girl, as a reminder that no matter how much you planned, no matter how hard you tried, sometimes things didn't work out the way you wanted them to. And Lou, it's amazing how right she was. This life I've led since taking that boat from England has been nothing like the life I'd planned on living. When I was a little girl all I wanted was to marry a lovely man who liked to read as much as I did, to move to London with him, and open our own bookstore. I wanted simple things, quiet things; I've never had the love of adventure and daring that you have. It's part of the reason I admire you so much, because you've got the guts to do things I've never even dreamed of doing. I'm content to sit back and read about them, while you are out there doing them. Mark my words, your name will go down in history, Lou McCloud._ _Which brings me to the actual point of this letter, which I fear may be a long one. I want to tell you what it is that brought me to America, why I became a Pony Express rider despite my fears, and why I have never wanted to discuss it before now. Rachel may have told you the bits of background that I gave her-about growing up in a quiet village, about traveling with my mother and father-but I didn't give her much more. It's been too painful even to think about, but I owe you a great deal of explanation, Lou._ _It began when a school friend pointed out that I didn't look the least bit like my mother. I had my father's hair and ears and crooked teeth, but my eyes and my complexion, my mouth, my hands, everything else about me belonged to no one. I didn't pay her much attention at first, but she was right, and as children will do, I became curious._ _How I found out what I found out would take sheets and sheets of paper to explain, so I'll simply tell you what came of all my curiosity: I discovered that my mother was not actually my mother, nor was my father my father, that I was in fact the child of my father's younger brother Geoffrey, and an American woman named Jillian, whom I was named for. Jillian was a stage actress, which my family considered disgraceful. Does this sound sensational, Lou? Like one of those dime store novels Cody likes to read? I assure you it's very real, but up until that point in my life I had only read about such drama in books, lovely stories by the Bronte sisters and by Charles Dickens, and I had always enjoyed them, whilst feeling very sorry for the characters who found themselves in such situations. Suddenly it was my life._ _Not such a bad life, I grant you. There is no doubt that my father and mother loved me very much, and they absolutely adored one another. You've told me about your life, Lou, and I would never want to go through the pain and anguish you went through, or to have had the youth that Noah or Buck or Ike was forced to live through, but please understand that because of what I found out, my life crumbled to bits. Everything I'd ever known was a lie. Every abandoned child in the world has the same thought-Why didn't they want me? Never mind that I loved my parents, never mind that I had a wonderful life. Suddenly the only thing that mattered to me was to find out why Geoffrey and Jillian, my real parents as I thought of them, had not wanted me. Geoffrey was dead, which left Jillian. So I made my decision, and I came to America. With nothing. I left my mother and father a note, and took the first boat from Southampton._ _I found Jillian almost straight away. I couldn't believe how easy it was. In fact, by the time I got to New York, where she was, and started asking after her, people who knew her from her plays or knew her personally would always tell me I was the exact image of her, except my hair was dark and hers was blond. But Jillian wasn't amused when I showed up on her doorstep. She didn't even let me in, Lou. She stood in the doorway and talked to me as if I were a beggar. She wasn't exactly unkind, just disinterested. She said she had a show and she had to get ready for it. She said she could barely understand a word I was saying because of my accent, and that was part of the reason it hadn't worked out with Geoffrey, because of his accent. She laughed when she said that. Not cruelly, just a laugh. And then she said, I'm sorry, little girl, but the fact is I never wanted kids. I never will want kids. I'm famous here and I like my life. I'll never get married and I'll never have kids. Go back to Eleanor and Kenneth, I know they're good to you. I'm sorry, but I just never wanted you.'_ _So I left New York, but I knew I couldn't go home. I was too ashamed, too scared. I knew I'd hurt my parents. They'd taken me in and loved me and taken care of me, and I'd thrown it back in their faces. Sometimes I still wake up in the middle of the night crying for them hugs. But how can I ever go back, Lou? Why would they want me back after what I've done to them?_ _I began to travel until I quickly realized that America is no place for a young girl to travel alone. I really didn't care about anything anymore, so I cut my hair and bought boy's clothes, and went on like that. Then a bartender I befriended in Missouri told me about the Express, and I decided to try, and they stationed me at Apple Ridge. It was the best thing that could have happened to me, because I met you and Jimmy and Rachel and Ike, and everyone else. No matter what happens, I can never regret that decision._ _Bart found out I was a girl and he fired me, Lou. I've been on the road ever since. It feels like life has done another turnaround on me. My only consolation is that I haven't had to involve any of you in all of this. I'm sorry if you've worried, but I've been fine. You have all been so good to me, maybe for a change I can do some good for someone in return. I'm sorry this letter has gone on so long. I'll write more when I can. Don't worry about me._ _Jack_

Jack sealed up the letter and the next morning she took it to the post office where she mailed it. It traveled by train to St Joe, and three weeks later was sitting in the Sweetwater general store, while Lou and the others settled into their new station in Rock Creek.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Weeks of searching had brought no clues, no traces of any tracks Jack may have left behind. Jimmy went as far as Sacramento and then circled back. It was all he could do not to panic. Where could she be? Where could she hide, and how? Should he be looking for a small young man in breeches and spurs, or a delicate young woman in dresses and curls? Jimmy's mind was constantly whirling. There were too many factors here. Every possibility turned out to be a dead end. A weaker man would have admitted defeat much sooner, but Jimmy was not a weak man. Even as he made the disheartened journey back to the new Rock Creek station, he refused to consider it as an end to his search.

But he couldn't bear the sad disappointment in Lou's eyes when he told her he had no news of Jack. "Don't try and convince yourself that we would've found her if only you'd followed me out there," Jimmy said tiredly. "You ain't God, Lou, you can't make things so just by wishin' 'em that way."

Lou wasn't surprised that he'd read her mind, but she was startled by his dejected, abrasive tone. The others seemed taken aback also, and Buck, who had had time to think, and had mellowed greatly on the subject of Jack, said, "Hickok, you need some rest. You don't seem like yourself."

"I guess I ain't," Jimmy confessed.

Rachel led him inside her house, to her quiet guest room, where she readied it for his use, and then joined everyone on the porch. They were all quiet, a new habit since Ike had been killed. For someone who had never uttered a sound in his life, Ike had taken up a great deal of space in the riders' lives, and without him things felt uneven, without boundaries, as if the circle had been broken and an open space was left where Ike had used to link them together.

"We will find her," Rachel said suddenly. "This is a big country, and she's only one small girl, but I know we'll find her."

"If Jimmy couldn't find her, what hope have we got?" Cody asked. "Hell, he's as good a tracker as they come."

"Jimmy's judgment may have been...a bit clouded," Buck offered quietly. "A man doesn't always see straight when his emotions get the better of him."

This thought had never occurred to Cody or Noah, and even the Kid had to let it sink in for a moment. "You mean..." he said, voice trailing off. "Jimmy...and Jack?"

"Boys," cautioned Rachel, "we don't know anything of the kind. All we know is Jimmy tried his hardest to find Jack and bring her back to us, but he wasn't able to. That don't mean he won't eventually."

Lou sat down hard on the porch step. She looked up at Kid, who stood beside her, and slipped her hands into his. "I wanted Jack to be here when we get married," she whispered. Kid could only nod and grip her hand tightly in response.

Jimmy slept fitfully. He woke with a start in the middle of the night and knew he wouldn't be getting back to sleep in a hurry. He dressed and wandered outside, deciding to stroll around the new grounds. Anything to take his mind off his miserable failure.

When he stepped out on the porch he found he had company: Rachel was rocking back and forth in the wooden rocker she had placed by the door. She was wrapped in a blanket, her hands clasping a mug of hot tea. She didn't seem surprised to see him. "Thought you might be out here eventually," she said. "Have a seat, Jimmy, talk to me."

Jimmy didn't want to talk, not to anyone; he wanted to walk in the breezy night air and collect himself. But he sat quietly as Rachel's chair squeaked to and fro, filling the silence.

"You know," she began softly, her voice as smooth and slow as if she were telling a story, "on nights like this I just feel glad to be alive. The air smells so good, and I can't hardly believe it's already November. Things are changin', aren't they, Jimmy? This time next spring Lou and the Kid will be husband and wife...the Pony Express will be dyin' out, and the telegram will be takin' our place...this country might be at war next spring. My, I feel so old all of a sudden, thinkin' about all that change." She turned her head to stare at Jimmy in the moonlight. "You know what I mean, Jimmy?"

Jimmy nodded. "Yeah, I do, Rachel."

"It's all right for people to change, too, Jimmy. You know that, don't you? One day we won't be excitin' to Cody anymore, and he'll leave us, and that will be all right. Lou won't always want to dress in men's clothes and work in a man's job, one day she'll want to be a wife and mother, and that will be all right, too. Just because you're one person today doesn't mean you have to be that person tomorrow. You will always be the things that make you James Hickok, even if feelings or ideas change for you. Even if you came to me and told me that you weren't in love with Lou anymore, that you loved Jack..." Rachel paused as he drew in his breath sharply. She continued in a whisper, "That would be just fine, too, Jimmy."

She allowed him to be silent for a long time, even though she was dying for him to say something, anything, in response to what she had said. She had said it cautiously, although reasonably sure she was right, and now she knew she was.

Finally he said, "I might say that to you, Rachel..." He stopped. He was rubbing his hands together, staring out into the night. "But I could never say that to her."

"Oh, Jimmy, that's wrong."

"I ain't worried about right and wrong just now, Rachel. Things might work out happily ever after in them books you're so fond of readin', and they might work out happily for Lou and the Kid, but I can tell you they don't work out too well for James Hickok. So I thank you for your kind words, and please believe that I don't mean to hurt your feelin's, Rachel, but I ain't interested in your ideas of love and romance. I'll save Jack the burden and myself some hurt, and just concentrate on findin' her." He stood up. "Night, Rachel."

Rachel watched him walk away and disappear into the darkness. She knew Jimmy's poor luck with women, and with life in general, but she had never imagined it had cut him so deeply. All the riders, even the Kid and Lou, who were now so happy and in love, had had their share of disappointing love affairs, and yet none seemed to have resigned themselves to a lonely fate as Jimmy had done. Either his love for Jack wasn't serious enough for him to consider a life with her, or it was far more serious than she had imagined. Rachel was inclined to think it was the latter.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"Jimmy, stop."

"Hmm? What?"

"Jimmy! If you keep pawin' it with your dirty, sweaty hands, by the time we get to New York we ain't even gonna be able to read it anymore!" Lou snatched the letter from Jimmy. "Gimme that," she said in exasperation.

Jimmy didn't reply. He didn't need the letter anyway; he'd read it so many times that he nearly had it memorized now.

_Dear Lou, I have not heard from you since my letter of October. I can only hope that the winter weather has slowed your response, and that something has not gone wrong. I think of you all every day, especially you. And, if I were to be honest, especially Jimmy. New York is exciting and I have made a new life here, but nothing to equal the happiness I found out west when I was staying at Sweetwater. Perhaps I will be able to come visit sometime this year, after Bart's temper is no longer a threat. Please write, Lou, and let me know all is well. _ _Love, _  
_Jack_

Now Lou had both letters in her hands: the first letter, longer than the second, was also far more damaged. Jack's October letter had arrived in early March, crumpled, ripped at the edges, stained with water spots, the postmark illegible. It had been delivered with Tompkins' profuse apologies, who explained that it had been sitting in a forgotten slot since the fall.

Within moments of reading the letter, Lou and Jimmy began packing and heading out to the stables to saddle their horses. They barely stopped to ask Teaspoon for permission, and when they did, it was merely an afterthought. Lou remembered thinking, 'Oh, maybe we should tell Teaspoon we're going to New York,' but she didn't recall that it was a terribly important idea to her at the time. Luckily Teaspoon happened to be in the stables as they left, or he would have found himself sitting down to supper a couple riders short.

Now Lou sneaked sideways glances at Jimmy as the train puffed its way to New York. They were in the passenger car, and had been for nearly four days, but instead of looking exhausted and anxious, as Lou knew she herself did, he had been sitting in the same upright position for almost the entire journey. His back was ramrod straight, his hands clasped in his lap, looking for all the world like a little boy trying to be patient during a preacher's sermon. His jaw and mouth were set in equally firm, straight lines, his eyes narrowed.

'Poor Jimmy,' Lou thought pityingly. She reached over and drew both his hands into hers and clutched them in a surge of affection. He didn't look at her. His eyes slid sideways to stare out the window at the scenery slipping by them in a blur. 'Jimmy, I understand,' she thought. 'I really do.'

Lou had never been further east than St Joe, and she was finding New England breathtaking in its early spring splendor. She had spent the past winter worrying herself sick over Jack; it was nice to be able to concentrate on scenery other than the Rock Creek grounds.

Rachel's prediction that the Pony Express would end by the spring wasn't entirely unfounded. Though the mail runs continued with nearly the same frequency as before, the telegraph was nosing its way slowly west, and it was clear that by year's end they would all be out of a job, if not sooner.

When Jack's letters arrived together, the relief was almost tangible. Worry and suspense had built up to such a frenzy that Lou and Jimmy were nearly impossible to live with. Jack was well, or had been in February, when she'd written the second letter, and that made all the difference in the world. Noah had urged Lou to write Jack a letter, but Lou would have none of it. She was intent on finding Jack herself and hauling her back to Rock Creek, tied down to the wagon buckboards if necessary, and Jimmy supported her one hundred per cent. There was no talking to either of them, and together they were a force to be reckoned with. The others knew there was no hope of reasoning with them the moment Teaspoon took their side, and when Rachel packed them food and stitched Lou a new shirt for the journey, they threw their hands up in defeat and said goodbye to their friends. For once the Kid stepped back and said nothing as Lou readied herself to leave. He merely held her tightly and whispered, "Bring her back safe to Jimmy, and bring yourself back safe to me." That was all, but it was enough to choke Lou up and cause tears to wash in her eyes.

The manly yet understanding handshake that Jimmy and the Kid shared did Teaspoon's heart a world of good. One of his greatest fears was always that these boys would someday leave each other with misunderstanding between them. Love could tear a friendship apart, but Jimmy's love for Jack seemed to be rebuilding the foundation.

The weeks of travel passed by in a blur, and Lou could hardly tell one small railroad town from the next. She wished she had her horse, but riding a horse in this dress would have been less than ideal circumstances. She smoothed her hand down over the pretty, pale blue skirt. There was nothing like the freedom of a pair of breeches, but it sure felt nice to dress up once in a while. It suddenly struck her that when she and the Kid finally married, it might be expected for her to give up pants altogether and be a proper wife. She wasn't sure she entirely liked that idea.

"Jimmy?" she said suddenly. They were sitting in a small cafe in a town about a hundred miles outside of New York City. Jimmy was picking at his food, but Lou was eating her steak with especial delight.

"Hmmm?" He seemed more distracted these days than she'd ever seen him.

She had been intending to ask him what he thought about her chances of wearing pants after she and the Kid got married, but instead another thought, one she'd meant to keep quiet about, burst forth and she asked, "Jimmy, are you goin' to ask Jack to marry you?"

He stared at her. "Good God, Lou, whatever put that idea into your head?"

"Don't pretend I'm imaginin' things." Lou rolled her brown eyes. "I know what I see, Jimmy." When he snorted, she persisted, "Jimmy, I know you. I can read you like a book."

"Lou, you're startin' to sound like Rachel."

"Oh, so what if I am? You're my friend and Jack's my friend, and I want to know. You're in love with her, aren't you?"

"Lou, stop."

"No, I will not stop. You've been just as horrible this past winter as I have, and everyone knows the reason why: we're both worried sick. Only I'm willin' to admit it, and you're not."

"Who says I'm not willin' to admit it? I'm worried, all right? There. I said it."

"Now say why."

"What?!"

"Now say why you're worried."

"Jesus..."

"Just tell me, Jimmy. I didn't travel hundreds of miles with a liar as my companion. Tell me the truth."

"I'm worried because..."

"Because...?" she prompted.

He narrowed his eyes in fury. "Because she's our friend and somethin' bad coulda happened to her."

"James Hickok, I am goin' to lose my temper in about five seconds, and if you don't think a lady in a nice dress can cause a scene in a fancy café, you've got another think comin'. Now, I've listened to your sighs and I've watched your mopin', and I've never said a word. Have I ever said a word? No. Now you tell me the truth."

There was a long silence when Lou was sure it could go either way: he could deny it or admit it, but no matter what she would know the truth. The waiter came and took their plates away, and Lou and Jimmy stared at each other. "All right," he said quietly. "All right, Lou. I love Jack. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Don't act like you're just sayin' it because I want you to say it."

"I'm not. I'm sayin' it because you asked me to, yes, but it's the truth, and I mean it."

"That's all I wanted." But her heart broke for the sadness in his eyes.

They took a walk that afternoon before going back to the rail station. In the morning they would make the final leg of the journey and be in New York City. Lou walked with her hand tucked in Jimmy's arm. They circled the town and glided in and out of a few shops, pretending for a moment that they were here for the fun of it.

Lou sat on the bench outside the rail station, relaxing, while Jimmy went in to buy the tickets. She hummed to herself and admired the silky parasol she had purchased in a fit of spontaneity. She suddenly had a very good feeling, and knew without a doubt that they would find Jack, even in New York City.

Jimmy loosened his collar and pulled his shirt away from his chest. Damn, it was hot in that little room, and only April. He was directly behind a young woman in a pale pink dress, and in front of her was a portly businessmen buying five tickets for himself and his family, who stood in the corner, looking miserable in the warmth. The girl in front of him had dark brown curls plastered to the back of her bare neck, and she swatted at a fly that buzzed around her head. She smelled nice, like flowers and springtime.

The man in front of them left, and then the girl stepped forward. Jimmy stepped a little closer to her, inhaling her scent just a little more deeply. When she spoke, her accent was familiar, her voice soft and low, "A one-way ticket to New York City, please, on the first available train."

Jimmy's heartbeat accelerated. That voice...that accent. Without thinking he put one hand on the girl's shoulder and spun her around. When the dark blue eyes cleared of sudden shock, they widened in recognition, and Jimmy found himself staring at Jack.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

The clerk behind the counter was watching Jimmy and Jack with curious eyes. He'd seen many things in his years at the railroad station, but he couldn't remember ever seeing a man and woman meet for the first time and look at each other quite the way these two were looking at each other. It made the clerk feel as if he had unwittingly intruded on a very private moment.

"Miss?" He had Jack's ticket to New York ready for her, but she seemed to have forgotten all about it.

"My God...Jimmy," breathed Jack, her eyes searching his. "What are you doing here?"

His hands were still on her shoulders. "What am I doin' here? Jack, what are you doin' here? We thought you were in New York."

"I'm going back. I've bought a ticket. Just now," she said, gesturing toward the counter but not moving to take the ticket from the clerk.

Jimmy suddenly realized that he was still grasping her. He dropped his hands and self-consciously crossed his arms over his chest.

"How-how are you, Jimmy?"

"Real good, Jack. How are you?"

"Good. I'm…good."

She looked more than good. Just as seeing Lou dressed up never failed to take him by surprise, it was proving no differently with Jack. She was wearing a simple gingham dress with few frills, that suited the quiet loveliness of her features. Her hair had grown longer, in soft waves, and was swept up in a loose bun. She was soft and graceful, the Jack he had always seen, despite her breeches and boots. His heart pounded wildly. All he wanted was to steal her away and hide her somewhere where she would be safe; the sadness and hurt in her eyes was as evident to him now as it had been all those months ago when they had first met.

For the first time, he understood the Kid and his fierce protection of Lou. It had always puzzled him before: if the Kid loved Lou, why couldn't he just live and let live? Hope for the best, protect her as he could, and trust her to make the right decisions? Now it all made sense to Jimmy. To hell with rationality and common sense, and too bad if Jack was angry in the process. He couldn't let anything bad happen to her, he wouldn't let anything bad happen to her.

"Lou's here with me."

"Lou?" Jack's face lit up. "Really? Where is she?"

"Outside."

Jack darted out of the rail station and a moment later Jimmy could hear squeals of delight. When he peered through the window he could see Jack and Lou in each other's arms, hugging like two little girls. He smiled despite himself.

"Sir?"

Jimmy turned to the clerk.

"Sir, is the lady going to be purchasing this ticket?"

Jimmy grinned. "She is. And we'll be traveling with her. Two more tickets to New York City, please."

When he joined Jack and Lou on the porch, they were sitting side by side and chattering rapidly. They seemed to have already covered the past several months and were now on to subject of the Kid and Lou's wedding. "We'd like to get married in the summer," Lou was saying. "And I want you to be there, Jack. I want you to stand beside me at the weddin'."

Jack's smile faded. "Oh, Lou, I don't know. I don't think I'll be able to be there."

"Is something wrong?"

Jack folded her hands in her lap and stared out onto the street where people and carriages were moving by at a steady pace. "Did you get my letters?"

"Just barely. We got them a few months ago. Why, Jack, what is it?"

"I finally contacted my mum, Lou. I sent her a telegram late in the winter, and I received a telegram back from her just a few days later. She said my dad was very ill with pneumonia, and she asked me to come home." Jack looked back at Lou, and her eyes were shining with tears of relief. "She asked me to come home, Lou, can you believe that? After all I've done to them, she asked me to come home." She reached a hand into her dress pocket and withdrew a crumpled piece of paper. "Here; read it."

Lou took the telegram and read: 'THANK HEAVEN YOU ARE ALIVE AND WELL STOP. ALL IS FORGIVEN STOP. THERE IS NOTHING TO FORGIVE STOP. YOUR FATHER IS ILL WITH PNEUMONIA STOP. WILL YOU COME HOME QUERY. LOVE MOTHER.' When she and Jimmy looked at Jack, the smile on her face was impossible to overlook.

"Of course I couldn't leave in the middle of winter, but I sent her a reply that I would leave as soon as possible. It killed me to know that my father was ill and I was so far away, but I heard from Mum again just a few weeks ago, and she said after they received my first telegram, my father took a turn for the better and now he's on the mend." In her excitement, Jack reached for Jimmy's hand and held it tightly. "I'm so happy I could kiss everyone I see."

Jimmy and Lou couldn't help but laugh, they were so genuinely pleased for their friend. "Jack, I'm so happy for you," Lou gushed sincerely. "That is wonderful news."

Jack slipped her hand out of Jimmy's and flushed. "It is. It's wonderful news. I can't believe they forgave me."

"I don't think they felt there was anything to forgive, Jack," said Jimmy. "That's what your mother said, isn't it?"

"Perhaps they didn't, but I certainly feel there was."

"You're bein' too hard on yourself, Jack," urged Lou. Then she stopped and grinned. "Maybe I shouldn't be callin' you 'Jack' anymore. Folks might think it's kinda funny, seein' as how you look so proper and ladylike these days."

Jack laughed. "D'you think I mind what others think? You go right on calling me Jack; it sounds nice, and I've missed it. And I'll call you Lou, even though you look very much like a Louise just now."

"Why are you here?" asked Lou. "We were headin' to New York City to find you."

"You came all this way to find me?" Jack looked ready to tear up again. "I don't know what to say..."

Lou shrugged. "Nothin' to say, really. You're our friend, we wanted to help. But why are you here?"

"For a while I was staying in a boarding house in New York, where I sent you my first letter from. There were several businessmen staying there as well, and eventually I befriended some of them. One of them, Mr Harmon, saw through my disguise instantly, and he eventually offered me a job here, which is where I sent you my last letter from. I've been working as his secretary for several weeks now. It's pleasant enough, and the pay is substantial."

"Then why are you goin' to New York?" asked Jimmy. "Are you quittin'?"

"No, I'm...I'm going back to England, actually. I promised my mother I would, and I so want to."

Lou's face fell and Jimmy had to look away.

"Oh, dear," murmured Jack. "Lou, I'm so sorry. I'd give anything if circumstances were different, but I have to go back, you see."

"I understand, Jack." But Lou couldn't quite keep the disappointed, almost defensive tone out of her voice. "What I don't understand is why you stayed away from us for so long. All those months, we were all worried sick. I know it wasn't your fault your letters didn't get to us, but why didn't you just come to Sweetwater? Everyone told you to come back, but you didn't."

"Bart warned me not to set foot anywhere near you," Jack answered, trying not to flinch at the impatience in Lou's tone. "I was frightened of what he might do to any of you. He threatened to put Teaspoon in jail."

Jimmy found it hard to mask his irritation at Jack's naiveté. "Bart Philips has no jurisdiction over Teaspoon, and he certainly wouldn't put the fear of God into any of us. You should've ignored his bullyin' and come to Sweetwater. We would have protected you, we would have looked out for you."

"He's not just a bully, Jimmy! Bullies I can handle, bullies can be dealt with because there's never any action. Bart is a violent-tempered man and I think he would have made good on his word. I didn't want any trouble to come to any of you. After what he did to me, why would I give him the opportunity to do it to any of you?!"

"What did he do to you, Jack?" Jimmy asked quietly after a moment of silence.

Jack bit her lip. "It's not important now. It's in the past."

"For someone who's spent a good portion of her recent life dwellin' on the past, you certainly seem in a hurry to forget things when it suits you!"

"That's not fair, Jimmy!"

Lou watched as Jimmy and Jack glared at each other. This had just gone rapidly from bad to worse. "Stop it, both of you," she warned. "This is not how I wanted things to be when we found you, Jack. Jimmy, you owe her an apology, I think."

"Fair enough. I'll apologize as soon as she tells us what it is that Bart did to her." He fixed his eyes on Jack, and she knew he wasn't going to back down.

Lou added, "Yes, Jack, please tell us."

"Well..." Jack began reluctantly. "He took it out on me, I guess you'd say."

There didn't seem to be anything to say. Certainly there was nothing that could be done about, but that didn't stop Jimmy from looking as if he wanted to thrust his fist through the thick wooden wall he was leaning up against. Looking closer at her friend, Lou could see a small, raised scar at the edge of her left temple and a slight bump on her small nose, a vague but rather prominent discoloration on her chin-marks that surely hadn't been there the last time they had seen Jack. "Oh, Jack," she whispered, eyes filling with tears.

"Oh, don't you start," grinned Jack. "Once you start, I'll start, and who knows when I'll stop? Honestly, Lou, and I'm fine. I'd take a gun to the bastard if I could, but as I can't, I've found that living well is a nice revenge of its own."

"How can you be content with that kind of revenge?" demanded Jimmy. "Jesus, Jack, we didn't find the men who injured you in the first place, and now you're willin' to sit back and let someone else get away with hurtin' you!"

Lou sighed. "Stop, Jimmy, please. You're soundin' like Buck."

"That doesn't sound like the Buck I know." Jack seemed puzzled.

"The Buck you remember isn't around much these days, Jack, and the Buck who is around sounds a lot like Jimmy does right now: bitter, angry, wantin' revenge. I tell you I can't take anymore of it, Jimmy!"

"Why? What's happened to Buck? Has he been hurt?"

Jimmy hung his head, thinking of Ike, and Lou gazed sadly at Jack, saying, "He has been hurt, but not the way you're thinkin', Jack. Ike was killed. A few months ago. He was protectin' a young girl he'd become friends with, and you know Ike...he wouldn't back down. We've all been just broken up over it."

There was more silence as Jack, eyes brimming, tried to reconcile herself to the thought that the sweet, ebullient Ike was dead, had been dead for months.

Jimmy said softly, "Rachel was right. Things sure are changin' fast."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

The train had barely begun its journey to New York City before Lou fell fast asleep in the passenger car she, Jimmy, and Jack were occupying. Things felt right at long last. Even if Jack was leaving for England, Lou could handle that; at least they had found her. Now all that was left was for Jack and Jimmy to be happy, and that meant they had to be together. Lou empathized with Rachel and Emma, who had poked and prodded so diligently at herself and the Kid during their many rough patches. She knew any Cupid would have his work cut out for him with two lost, hesitant souls like her friends.

Jack and Jimmy were quiet as Lou snored softly on the seat before them. They were sitting next to each other, each looking as solemn and unsure as the other. They seemed to have left their easy camaraderie behind in Sweetwater and now sat like strangers afraid to move or speak. The glowing moment of their reunion had faded and Jimmy felt he hardly knew this mystifying creature beside him. His memory had failed him; this wasn't the Jack he remembered. She was foreign to him. He felt betrayed.

"I'm so sorry about Ike," Jack said after they had been traveling in silence for nearly two hours. "If I had known I would have said to hell with Bart, and I would have come to Sweetwater."

"Would you?" Jimmy wasn't sure if he believed her or not.

She was hurt. "Yes, Jimmy, of course I would have. How could you think I wouldn't?" Then she stared for a moment. "Oh, of course. You think I'm a coward who hides behind someone else's threats as an alibi. Thanks very much, Jimmy." She crossed her arms and wouldn't look at him.

"Well, I'm sorry, Jack, but that's how I see it. What else am I supposed to think? If you'd really wanted to come back to Sweetwater, nothin' would have stopped you." He waited for a reaction. He thought, 'You didn't come back to me.'

"And you can't at all understand that I care so much for all of you that I didn't want to see you come in harm's way? Bart made very real threats, Jimmy. And he certainly made good on his promise of beating me within an inch of my life. How was I to be sure he wouldn't make good on any other threats? Just because you lot are a bunch of big, strong men doesn't mean I shouldn't fear for you. There are other ways of harming a man besides physically. But you're right, Jimmy: I'm just a coward and I never really wanted to see any of you again. Thank God Bart gave me the excuse I needed." She spat the last words out with all the sarcasm she could muster.

Jimmy felt foolish. Apologies weren't his strongest suit, but he knew he owed one to Jack. It had never occurred to him that she may very well have been frightened, which meant she did care, at least enough to try to keep them out of harm. "I'm sorry, Jack. I really am. I didn't see it that way. I'm sorry."

Jack blinked hard, and still wouldn't look at him. All these months she had longed to see Jimmy, if only for the briefest of moments, and this was how it was turning out. In the train station, when shehad felt the hand on her shoulder, and alarm had turned to delight, she knew she had never been happier in her life. Even seeing Lou again, as wonderful as that was, could not compare to her first sight of Jimmy in so long. Perhaps it would have been better never to see him again; now all her lovely memories were ruined. He wasn't the Jimmy she had kept in her thoughts.

And then she thought of something her mother had told her long ago. "Love someone, know his faults, and don't make the mistake of putting him on a pedestal when he's only human."

Jack turned her head to find Jimmy watching her. "I accept your apology," she replied gently.

Jimmy smiled. "I'm glad."

Through her feigned veil of sleep, Lou heard, and smiled to herself.

When they reached New York City, Jimmy knew nothing in his life had prepared him for this. Towns like St Joe had been his nearest acquaintance with anything remotely resembling a city, and now Jimmy saw just how remote that resemblance really was.

He didn't much care for towns, and he wasn't sure he fancied a city any more, especially one this size. But Jack had been right: there was an energy and life to it that was undeniable. He found that he was interested, and as for Lou, she was beside herself with excitement. She began asking questions the minute they stepped off the train. "Why is that woman sellin' flowers on the street corner, Jack? Ain't there a better way for her to make a livin'? Jack, there's saloons right on the main street! Do respectable people actually go in a saloon on a main street? Why, that man winked at me! Did you see that, Jimmy?"

Jack's employer had given her enough money to get to the city and stay in a hotel.. With the money she was able to get two small rooms. It was a lovely hotel, small and understated, not so grand that it made any of them feel uncomfortable, and yet elegant enough that they felt quite pampered.

In the hotel room the two girls shared, Lou was staring out the window while Jack readied herself for dinner. Lou had been ready for ages, still pumped full of adrenaline. "My word, Jack, would you look at that! It's evenin', and I'll bet there's still hundreds of people wanderin' around out there. Is this what a city's always like?"

"Yes, I suppose so. You'll see people out till all hours of the night, couples taking walks through the parks, window-shopping, eating at the best restaurants."

"Will we have time for that?" Lou was wistful.

"We have two days, my ship doesn't leave until then."

"Are you really goin', Jack? Back to England?"

Jack sighed, sitting down on the bed to pull her stockings over her legs. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and looked at Lou. "Yes, I feel I must. And I want to, Lou. But I will be back, I promise you. This feels like home now."

"Really?" Lou's face lit up. Then she frowned again. "But that's months from now! It will take you weeks and weeks to get to England, and then you'll stay for months, and then it will be weeks and weeks for you to sail back. And then you have to get to Rock Creek-"

"Lou, stop. Stop!" Jack interrupted. She grinned. "You're making me dizzy. I know it's ages from now, but I will be back. I have so much to come back for." She broke off. She hadn't meant to say that. She knew that Lou was watching her so keenly any slip of emotion in her tone would be immediately apparent.

"Jack, tell me. Please. Talk to me." When Jack said nothing, Lou went on, "I know you love Jimmy."

"I don't know how you came to that conclusion."

"Let's see...how could I have come to that conclusion?" Lou did an imitation of Jack that was uncannily similar to one Jimmy had done. "Your face lights up the minute he walks into the room; when I look at you you're almost always lookin' at him; your voice goes all funny when you talk to him." She eyed Jack. "I have more, if you'd like."

"I guess it was foolish of me to imagine I could keep anything from you, Lou."

"It's hard to put one by on me, I'll grant you that."

"I think I do love him, Lou. It's useless, I know. I know he's loved you for so long, and -"

"Now you stop. You don't know anything of the kind." Lou knew she couldn't go much further without betraying Jimmy's trust. Lord, but matchmaking was difficult. She made a mental note to apologize to Rachel a thousand times when she saw her again. She had never fully appreciated the difficulties of bringing together two people so reluctant to be hurt. "Jack, Jimmy's feelin's for me now, whatever they might've been, are friendship. I can promise you that."

"If only I could believe that," Jack's eyes shone with momentary hope.

Jack flushed and stood up to slip into her dress. Lou began to work out a tiny plan in her head. Jack disappeared into the bathroom and Lou lay back on the bed. When she emerged again, she found Lou looking pained.

"Lou, what is it?"

"Suddenly I don't feel so good, Jack." Lou closed her eyes and gave a shaky sigh. "I just...I just feel a pain in my stomach, and my head is throbbin' like crazy. I think maybe it was that sandwich I ate on the train."

"Poor Lou. Do you think you'll be able to join us for dinner?"

Lou pretended to think. She sat up and immediately lay back down. "Oh, my, I guess not. My head just started spinnin' like a top. You go on without me."

"I shouldn't leave you, Lou. I'll stay here and we'll have Jimmy bring us something back."

"Oh, no, Jack, you go on without me. It's just a pain. I'll be fine. I'll just stay here and rest a while."

"No, I insist. At least let me stay in case you need anything."

"I'll be fine. Just let me stay and sleep. If I need anything I'll just call one of the hall porters."

Jack shook her head. "No, that's not a good idea. You've just had a long journey, and someone should be here with you. I'll just go tell Jimmy that we're not-"

Lou groaned. She sat up abruptly again, and spoke in her regular, healthy voice. "Oh, for the love of Pete!" she exclaimed. "Jack, you would try the patience of a saint, I swear. I am tryin' to stay behind so you can have dinner alone...with Jimmy." Lou spoke slowly and patiently, as if to a child.

Then Jack blushed again. "Lou, you are..."

There was a knock on the door. Jack and Lou froze. Jack swiveled her head and looked at Lou. They stared at each other. Lou's lips curled into a wicked smile. She waved goodbye to Jack as she opened the door, and lay back down to give Jimmy her best weak smile.

Jimmy stood in the doorframe with his hat in his hands. His hair had just been washed and he was cleaned within an inch of his life, all traces of travel grit and grime gone, and without them he was looking as handsome and nervous as Lou had ever seen him. He reminded Lou of a boy at his first grown-up dance. When he saw Jack he smiled broadly, the pleasure of seeing her plain in his face. "Hello, Jack." He looked at Lou almost reluctantly. "Hey, Lou. Lou, what's wrong?"

"Just feelin' a bit poorly, Jimmy. I'm afraid I'll have to pass on this evenin'. You two can go without me. I'll just stay here and rest up."

Jimmy furrowed his brow. "I'm not sure I should leave you alone if you're feelin' so poorly, Lou."

Lou wanted to scream. She had to stop herself before she did. These two were going to drive her over the edge. "No, Jimmy," she insisted through gritted teeth, "I'll be fine. I just need peace and quiet. Really."

It was impossible to mistake Jimmy's relief. He would have Jack to himself, and there was no denying it was an evening he hadn't dared to hope for. Lou watched Jimmy and Jack smiled at each other, shyly. Her heart broke at the tenderness of the moment as Jimmy reached for Jack's hand and gallantly slipped it through his arm. When they left Lou was certain that even in this city of thousands, you would be hard pressed to find two happier people.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Walking with Jack Townsend on your arm made Jimmy feel ten feet tall. Walking with Lou had been nice, but Lou wasn't his. He could pretend that Jack belonged to him, and he decided that he would. He tucked her hand in at his elbow and they strolled along at the same easy pace, speaking of inconsequential things: the weather, the stars appearing in the sky, the restaurants they passed by, both afraid to ruin the tentative simplicity of the evening.

There were things Jack knew she could say that would easily destroy their regained harmony: Jimmy, did you think of me during all these months; I'm afraid to go back to England, Jimmy; Jimmy, I believe I love you. But she only walked alongside him, staring at their feet as they trod over hard Manhattan roads. She listened to the pleasant rumble of his voice, only half-concentrating on what he said. Just being with him was enough.

Jimmy was not the sort of man she had expected to fall in love with. But strangely enough, she knew he was exactly the sort of man that was suited to her. He was quiet strength when she was nervous fear, coaxing laughter when she fell too easily into solemnity, and perhaps most importantly, whenever she was around him that wonderful, gentle hum started coursing through her veins. With Jimmy, she felt at peace.

She had read all the books describing women in love, the flushed cheeks and pounding hearts, women hardly able to sleep or breathe for their restless longing. She had imagined that when she fell in love it would be the same, but though her heart did flutter when Jimmy was near, the actuality of her feelings couldn't have been more different from the girls in books. Jimmy calmed her, soothed her; she slept easier and breathed sounder knowing he was a part of her life, however far removed. This must have been what her mother had always meant when she warned Jack not to fly too high on girlish dreams of what romance would be like. The reality was infinitely more satisfying.

"This place looks real nice." Jimmy gestured to a quiet, gently-lit restaurant full of couples much like themselves. He felt himself breaking into a sweat. Was he crazy? This place, with its drippy candles, red tablecloths, and caressing couples was as overtly romantic a gesture as he could get without falling on bended knee and declaring his love. He started to make another suggestion when he saw Jack nod.

"It looks lovely. Let's try it," she said.

Jimmy opened the door and followed her in. The waiter seemed trained for just such an occasion as they found themselves on, and he was deferential and polite. Jimmy hid behind the large menu, peering over the top at Jack as she studied the selections before her. He wanted to tell her how pretty she looked, how nice she smelled. For the life of him he couldn't figure out why he didn't.

They gave their orders to the returning waiter and accepted his suggestion of a specific red wine, and then Jimmy and Jack found themselves at a loss. Lou was no longer there to prod conversation along, they had no trains or streets or people for distraction. At long last it was down to the two of them, and words did not seem to be coming easily. Instead their separate gazes darted around the room. At first glance the clientele that evening seemed to be made up almost entirely of two at each table, but a closer look showed that there were parties of four and sometimes more around them. It was a rather dignified restaurant, but not everyone there that night was behaving with dignity. One twosome in particular seemed to have decided they were in their own little world. They sat side by side, the man's arm around the woman's shoulders, their elbows resting on the table, hands clasped together, staring into each other's eyes as deeply and ridiculously as only newlyweds can.

Jimmy snickered. When he looked at Jack she was stifling laughter behind her pure white napkin. They shared a conspiratorial glance.

After that it was easy, the way it had been before. They laughed and talked, jumping from one subject to the next with no trouble at all. The food disappeared without the realization that they had eaten a mouthful, and soon the wine bottle was only half full. By the time Jack had crossed her knife and fork across her plate and laid her napkin down, her cheeks were pink with laughter and wine. Jimmy thought she had never looked more beautiful, but he knew he could hardly be objective. Every time he looked at Jack he thought she looked more beautiful than she ever had. He grinned wryly to himself at the uncharacteristically sentimental thought.

Conversation had lulled companionably, and the restaurant was cleared of half the earlier patrons. The waiter surreptitiously slid plates of chocolate cake dripping with strawberries onto Jack and Jimmy's table before gliding away again. He wouldn't have dreamed of bringing the bill at a moment like this. He had been a waiter far too long, he knew the signs of an upcoming romantic confession when he saw them.

"We, uh, we got your letters in March," Jimmy said. "Both of 'em at the same time."

"That's what Lou said."

"Why didn't you tell us all of that before? All that stuff about your real ma and pa and comin' to New York to find them?"

"It's funny, but I suppose I don't think of Geoffrey and Jillian as my real parents anymore. They brought me into this world certainly, but my real mum and dad are the two people waiting for me at home; they raised me, they loved me, they took care of me. It's been a hard lesson, but I don't intend to forget. But to answer your question-it was too difficult, Jimmy. It hurt so terribly to even think of it, let alone talk about it."

"We would have listened. We would have understood."

Jack shook her head and smiled at him. She had been ready to argue with him that no one could possibly have understood, but if she really thought about it, she knew that wasn't true. So she just smiled and said, "Yes, I imagine you would have. But it takes a long time for some people to admit if they're hurting."

'I'm hurtin',' Jimmy thought. 'I'm sittin' here looking across at your pretty face, and enjoyin' every minute of it. But I know that you'll be gone again, and I don't know if I can take it, Jack.'

"Tell me more about the boys and Teaspoon and Rachel," Jack urged, leaning forward over the table, her eyes lit up with expectancy. Between Lou on the train, and Jimmy this evening, Jack was pretty well filled-in on the riders' doings, but she never tired of the subject.

Jimmy, however, had more than tired of it. He had belatedly come to the realization that he had nothing to lose and everything to gain. "I don't really wanna talk about any of them anymore," he said suddenly. "I ain't told you yet how pretty you look tonight, Jack."

Jack blinked. This was an unexpected change in topic and moreover an unexpected change in Jimmy. "Th-thank you, Jimmy."

Either it was all the fancy wine they'd been downing since the moment they'd been seated, or else Jimmy had finally found the courage on his own. Whatever the reason the words were tripping easily off his tongue. "In fact, I think you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen, Jack Townsend."

Jack watched Jimmy warily. His eyes were suddenly too bright, his words a bit slurred. "Maybe we'd better get you back to the hotel. I think you've had a bit too much wine."

Jimmy glared at her. True, he was feeling a bit tipsy; true, his blood seemed to be throbbing with an unnatural energy, it was no reason for Jack to doubt his word. "This has nothin' to do with how much wine I've had."

But Jack only smiled at him and called the waiter over for their bill. It was clear in her eyes that she didn't believe what he was saying. Jimmy remained quiet in silent frustration. He paid the waiter and he and Jack walked out the door. Once more they were strangers. Jimmy was annoyed with Jack and with himself. They were on an emotional see-saw, and didn't seem to be able to stay in one mood long enough to get anything accomplished. He remembered countless warnings to the Kid on the subject of Lou: 'Kid, you're gonna miss out on the best thing that's ever happened to you if you don't do something about it'; 'Kid, do I have to light a fire under you to get you goin'?'

They were walking side by side, elbows nearly touching. They were almost to the hotel and Jimmy felt he would explode. It was everything: the pulse of the city, the crowds passing by, the glow on Jack's skin, the swirl of her pretty dress, the wine, the meal, the months of wishing-everything.

"Jack," he said.

"Hmmm?" She turned her head and realized he had stopped. She stopped alongside him. "Is everything all right?"

Jimmy swallowed hard, knowing what he was about to do, and fearing for her reaction. But damn his pride and his fears: she was near him, so soft and sweet, captivating his thoughts and attention as effortlessly as she always had. "Jack..." he whispered. They were face to face, concern etched on her features. He reached up to cup her face between his hands and a moment later pressed his lips gently against hers.

He had just begun to sink deeply into the kiss, the pleasure coursing through him, when Jack's hands went up and circled his wrists. A moment later she jerked his hands away, stopping only to stare into his eyes in shock, before turning on her heel and disappearing into the crowd of New Yorkers and the darkness of night.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Jimmy sat on the high wooden stool, arms resting on the counter, and rubbed his wrists. He could still see red marks where Jack's long, slender fingers had been. There was a tingling pain there, but it was nothing compared to the blow that had been dealt to his pride. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Without asking, the bartender refilled Jimmy's whiskey glass a third time. Jimmy brought the drink to his lips and downed it in one jerky motion, swallowing hard, already numb to the burning fire of the liquor. He had never been one to drown his sorrows in liquor, but by God, if there was ever any time to start, it was now. The memory of the shock and dismay in Jack's eyes kept flashing through his mind. It just wouldn't stop, no matter how hard he tried. Even whiskey didn't make it stop; if anything, it only caused it to intensify. Jimmy knew without a doubt that he had made the stupidest mistake of his life. What the hell had possessed him to kiss Jack?

He knew what had possessed him. It was useless to pretend he'd had a momentary lapse of reason or that alcohol had had anything to do with it. The plain truth of the matter was that he had wanted to kiss Jack, had lived for it and dreamed of it for many months now. Maybe being a bit liquored up had given him a push in the right direction, but the fact remained that he had wanted to kiss her, and so he had. And despite the fact that he was now sitting in a bar, drinking himself into a miserable stupor, Jimmy couldn't deny the fact that it had been worth it in a way. He could still feel the gentle pressure of Jack's mouth against his, the taste of her lingering on his lips, the smooth feel of her skin pulsing under his fingertips. It was a memory that would have to last him a lifetime. No more attempts at love for James Hickok. He had fallen in love twice, each time with a wonderful, amazing woman who didn't want him, and he would not make the same mistake on a third occasion.

Slim, feminine arms stole around his neck and rested there. Jimmy turned to see a saloon girl in a red velvet dress that defied description. She was tall and sinfully curvy, her hair a golden blond, her lips painted wicked red. She smiled at Jimmy. "Hey, there, good-lookin'. You up for some company tonight?"

She was flamboyantly gorgeous and blatantly offering-in short, everything Jack was not. Jimmy smiled weakly in return. "If it's your kinda company, sure."

The blond sat happily on the seat next to him. "I'm Nancy."

"James."

"James," she purred, slinking her arm around his shoulders. "Do you want to stay here for another drink, or would you prefer we just get right on upstairs?"

Jimmy stared at her with distaste. After the refinement and delicacy that emanated from Jack's every move, Nancy was a coarse reminder of the reality of life. But maybe this was a lesson in itself, a reminder that women like Lou and Jack would always be beyond his reach, that only women like Nancy were attainable to a man like him.

Nancy was watching him with expectance. She raised one eyebrow. "Well?"

Jimmy slapped his money down on the bartop and rose rather unsteadily to his feet. "Let's go," he said. 'Let's go before I lose my nerve,' he thought. Nancy took his hand and began leading him through the saloon, weaving in and around tables and people, and then upstairs.

From the shelter of the doorway, Jack watched them go, crossing her arms over her chest, willing herself not to cry. 'You stupid, stupid girl,' she said to herself. 'How could you have been so bloody stupid? He was drunk, that's all, and here's a girl willing to accommodate him. You're pathetic, Jack Townsend, that's what you are.'

It was difficult to believe that Jimmy would do something as low as that. Jimmy who had always been so kind and generous, noble and self-sacrificing almost to a fault. But why else would he be heading upstairs with a saloon girl barely an hour after he'd kissed her so tenderly, if not to collect on an assured outcome that Jack had no intention of giving?

The moment Jimmy had kissed her, Jack had been overcome with two warring, equally strong sensations: bliss and fear. Yes, Jimmy was kissing her, but why was he kissing her? Sympathy? Pity? Intoxication? Surely in his right mind he would never have done it. Despite his slurred compliments during dinner, he had taken her completely by surprise. Fear and doubt had overcome her before she'd allowed herself to enjoy the moment, the beautiful simplicity of Jimmy's lips on hers. How dare he?, she had thought, and without allowing herself the luxury of thinking further, she had pushed him away and run in the opposite direction. Every jolting step seemed to pound out the word 'Why.' Why had he done that? It just didn't make any sense. It wasn't like Jimmy at all.

She was almost to the hotel, ready to burst into the room she shared with Lou and pour it all out to her sympathetic friend, when suddenly she had been struck with another thought. Was it possible that Jimmy had wanted to kiss her? Perhaps for the same reasons she wanted to kiss him? For a long moment she had stood there, disbelieving, shaking her head, much to the amusement of passersby. It was a ridiculous notion, but hope rose in Jack, all-consuming. Perhaps Jimmy had the faintest of similar feelings for her, in which case the only thing ridiculous about what had just happened was the way she had behaved. For some deplorable reason she had developed the tendency to run scared from a situation. She could have gone home when Jillian had rejected her; she could have gone back to Sweetwater and ignored Bart's threats; she could have stayed within the safe confines of Jimmy's hands and let herself be kissed. But she had done none of these things. At every opportunity she had panicked and turned the other way, afraid of conflict, even more afraid of what might come of it all. Oh, she despised herself.

Turning quickly, Jack headed back the way she had come. With any luck she would meet Jimmy halfway. Her heart pounding, she had retraced her steps, knowing full well that just because she was swallowing her pride and going back to him, it didn't mean that Jimmy would be willing to forgive and forget. She had done a terribly hurtful thing. If the situation had been reversed, and it was she who had initiated the kiss and Jimmy who had backed away and left, she would have been crushed. Jimmy's feelings weren't necessarily as strong as hers, but he deserved to at least be left with his dignity.

After searching for some time she finally found him in the saloon, and for a long while she simply sat in the back, by the door, and watched him, heart melting at the sight of his head hung over his drink, his mournful profile. Then she saw the beautiful girl with golden hair saunter slowly over to Jimmy, snaking her long arms around his neck and pressing her mouth to his ear. Jack froze, watching. Surely Jimmy would send her away, polite but firm, not interested. For a moment Jimmy looked perplexed, then he relaxed and smiled at the girl, a bit shakily, but a smile nonetheless.

And then he allowed her to take his hand and they began walking together. Jack's face burned bright red when she noticed where they were headed. Shame and mortification swept over her as she realized she had not been singled out for Jimmy's affections because of anything resembling love, but because he was drunk and lonely and in need of the sort of intimacy that sometimes came to a man in that state.

Jimmy and the girl were on the landing above the saloon. The girl stopped at her door and touched eager lips to Jimmy's neck. His gaze swept below them and he saw Jack immediately. His eyes were cool and distant as Jack stared open-mouthed. Jimmy followed the girl into the room and shut the door behind them.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

The early morning sunlight was streaming relentlessly through the pale curtains. Jack could hear Lou stirring in the room. She groaned under her breath and burrowed deeper beneath the covers, hoping Lou would go on about her business without noticing.

No such luck. "Mornin', sunshine," Lou called out cheerily. "Get on out of bed and tell me about your evenin'."

Jack flinched. She heard Lou walking toward her, and suddenly felt the gentle pressure of her weight next to her on the bed. Lou tugged the covers away from Jack's tight hold, and beamed down with a playful grin. "Come on, now, you know I want to hear all about it. You came in late, that must be a good sign." Her eyes were dancing with delight.

The blank expression on Jack's face stilled her good mood. "Jack? What is it?"

"Everything-everything went completely wrong, Lou," Jack burst out in a controlled sob. She bit her lip, unwilling to let go and lose composure altogether.

Lou recognized the self-control Jack was imposing upon herself unnecessarily and placed a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder. It seemed to be the last straw for Jack. Tears began slipping down her pale face, and she relayed last night's events in a low voice. When she was finished, Lou sat in silence.

"I can't believe you did that, Jack," she said finally.

Jack stared at her, eyes wide. "Lou, I-"

"It just doesn't make a lick of sense! You told me last night you love Jimmy. I know he loves you. Everything was perfect. Why did you run away?"

Jack's eyes filled up again. "I don't know," she whispered. "I was just scared, I suppose."

"Of what? Of Jimmy?"

"Scared that he didn't mean it. And I was right, wasn't I? He didn't mean it."

"You don't know that. You don't know his reasons for what he did. Maybe he was hurtin' and he wanted to be with someone who would make him feel better." Knowing Jimmy, this was probably the truth. He had a fragile sense of self when it came right down to it. For all his tough talk and bravery, inside he doubted himself as much as anyone else.

"Oh, it's useless now," Jack sniffed, pulling the covers back over her head. "I've made a mess of it."

"Are you tellin' me you're givin' up?" Lou was incredulous.

"I never even started, Lou!"

"I cannot believe this. Is this the same girl who came to America to find her parents? Is this the same girl who disguised herself as a boy and joined the Pony Express? What's happened to you?"

Jack shot up in bed and exploded, "I am the same girl, Lou! The same stupid girl who left her family to find something she didn't really need or want! The same stupid girl who disguised herself as a boy and joined the Pony Express because she didn't know what else to do, and she was too scared to go home! That's me, Lou. I'm frightened and lonely and thick-headed, and I make the wrong choices!"

They stared at each other, eyes wide, and said nothing. Then Lou stood up and looked at Jack, her expression wistful.

"I'm sorry, Lou," Jack whispered.

"There's no need for you to apologize to me. You haven't done me any harm. I'm just disappointed, that's all." Her meaning was obvious. She smiled softly at Jack. "I'll be downstairs, havin' breakfast. I thought I might do a bit of sight-seein' after that. I'll see you later."

She slipped into her jacket, picked up her parasol, gave Jack one last look, and left the room. When she had gone, Jack felt her absence acutely. Lou had not made a move to invite her along, and it pained her. She had disappointed Lou, she knew that. And it crushed her to know she had disappointed her. But how could she believe that she had hurt Jimmy? She didn't have that kind of power.

Jack sighed again, deeply, and got out of bed, standing before the large vanity mirror on the opposite wall. Her hair had finally grown to a reasonable length, and she was no longer afraid that her parents wouldn't recognize her. The thick dark waves had grown just past her chin. Her complexion seemed paler than usual. She ran a hand through hair and stuck her tongue out at her reflection. "Bloody, bloody, bloody," she cursed freely. "You've made a great, bloody mess of your life, Jill, or Jack, or whoever you are. I don't even know you anymore."

She washed and dressed, and just as she was about to leave the room, there was a knock at the door. Jimmy was on the other side. He was obviously startled to see Jack and that she was alone. "Lou's not here?"

"No, she left a while ago." Jack steadied her shaking voice.

He frowned. "Do you know where she went?"

"Down to breakfast, and then sight-seeing," she replied. She thought, 'Oh, Jimmy, I'm sorry.'

"And you didn't go with her?"

"She didn't invite me."

That surprised him. "You mean you let her go out alone in a big city like this?"

Jack's temper flared. "She didn't exactly ask for my permission, Jimmy."

"You shouldn't have let her go, Jack, that was irresponsible. Lou's a country girl. Anything could happen to her in a city this size!"

"You underestimate Lou. She can handle herself quite well, and there's no guarantee that if anything were to happen to her, I could help."

"If anything happens to her... I'd never forgive myself. The Kid sure as hell wouldn't forgive me, either."

Jack winced. Always the concern for Lou above all others, always the relentless pursuit to protect Lou at any cost. She adored Lou, and would fight to protect her if Lou ever needed her, but she had never had the feeling of being anything as special to Jimmy as Lou was. Perhaps that was the biggest fear of all.

"If she's so precious to you, you should go find her!" exclaimed Jack. "If you don't trust her on her own in this city, then take care of her! But do her a favor and don't treat her like a child. She's a strong, capable woman, for God's sake!"

"I know that," he replied angrily.

But Jack plowed ahead. "And while you're at it, do yourself a favor, Jimmy: don't hold every woman up to this impossible standard that only Lou can match. Any woman worth her salt will feel the comparison and know she'll never measure up. No one could bear that, and you may find yourself a very lonely man in the end. So take my advice and be a little more realistic." She felt childish and small-minded and petty, but she just couldn't bear it. She put her hand to the doorknob. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I should start packing. My boat leaves first thing in the morning."

Jimmy reached out a hand to the door and stopped her as she closed it, wedging his foot in the corner to effectively stop it from shutting altogether. He stared at her. "Is that what you think? You think I compare you to Lou?"

"When did this turn into a conversation about me?"

"Right this very minute."

"Jimmy, let me close the door."

"All right." He stepped swiftly inside and shut the door behind him. "Don't back away now, Jack, you're the one who brought this up."

She stepped away from him. "I don't care to discuss this."

"I thought up a hundred reasons why you ran away from me last night, but I never thought of this one."

"There were a hundred reasons," she replied indignantly. "This...this just happens to be the biggest."

"And by far the dumbest. Maybe you don't feel the same about me, Jack, or maybe you were scared, I don't know. But if you think I compare you to Lou then you don't understand the first thing about me."

Jack blinked back the tears stinging her eyes. "I guess I don't."

"Look...Jack...I don't set much store by words. I believe that you watch and you learn. Words don't mean much when you make note of a person's actions. But if you need this spelled out for you, then I guess I'm willin' to do that, because I don't want you to leave with any misunderstandin' between us."

Jack drew her breath in sharply. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm tryin' to say that I don't compare you to anyone. You're Jack and you stand on your own merit as far as I'm concerned. And as far as I'm concerned, other women would do well to compare themselves to you. My feelin's for Lou are the feelin's I have for all my friends. You ain't got nothin' to worry about, Jack...because from the moment I met you you're all that's been on my mind."

"Oh." Jack exhaled at last.

"Is that why you ran from me?"

She nodded, a tear escaping and finding its way down her cheek. "So many reasons, Jimmy. Fear, most of all."

He waited a moment before asking the next question. The answer could make or break him. "I'm doin' all the talkin' here. Is there anything you'd like to add to the conversation?"

He waited. Jack shook her head. "No," she said, and his heart sank.

"Well, then, I guess-"

To his complete surprise, Jack stood on the tips of her toes and reached up to him, wrapping her arms around him until they were staring eye to eye. She grinned a beautiful, wide grin, radiating happiness, and he didn't even have to think about it, just smiled back at her delightedly.

He cradled her face in his palms, lowering his mouth to hers, and this time she didn't run away. This time she stayed.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

The girls in the corner huddled together and giggled. They pointed at the tall, lanky young man standing at the ticket counter, dressed head to toe in dusty leather and denim, his wide-brimmed hat pushed to the back of his head. From behind the counter, the station master's wife noted their interest and clucked her tongue disapprovingly. He was handsome, but far too old for them, and Elsa certainly didn't know what this world was coming to with girls making eyes at young men.

"Thank you very much for your help, ma'am."

Elsa smiled at him. He had a grin like her boy Henry: wide and sweet. "That's quite all right, dear. Are you here for business or pleasure?"

The Kid slung his satchel over his shoulder. "Pleasure mostly, ma'am, and a little bit of business, I guess."

"Well, you enjoy this fine city of ours while you're here."

"Will do." He tipped his hat and walked past the giggling girls, winking at them as he went.

When he walked out onto the porch, he stopped in his tracks. The height of the buildings-the noises-the crowds of people-the smell of food from the street vendors. It was like nothing he'd ever imagined, and suddenly he felt helpless. How the hell was he supposed to find Lou and Jimmy in a city like this? It sure wasn't the type of place where you could walk into the local saloon or dry goods store and ask if anyone had seen two strangers passing through. Obviously he should have thought this through a little better before taking it upon himself to hop on the first coach out of Rock Creek.

Hotels. He would start with the hotels around the train station. It couldn't hurt and it just might help. But first he had to find himself a horse. Kid's eyes narrowed as he watched passersby. None of them were riding. Some were being toted along in carriages, but most walked. The only riders he saw were men in blue uniforms with sticks in their belt loops. This just wasn't turning out the way he'd planned. He'd imagined riding into town, asking the first person he met if they'd seen a small woman and a tall man ride in together, and then charging up in time to sweep Lou into his arms and whisk her away to dinner in a nice restaurant.

It didn't look as if it would be shaping up that way.

To make matters more difficult, Manhattan seemed to have a hotel on every street corner. He narrowed it down by keeping away from the fancier ones. Each time he asked for reservations under McCloud or Hickok. Each hotel checked dutifully, but no one was able to help him. By dusk he had grown desperate. He had stopped only once, to eat an overpriced sandwich around lunchtime, and he was nearly dead on his feet.

'If there's a God,' he thought, as he dragged his feet up the steps of the Blenheim Hotel on 12th Street, 'this will be the place.'

But the hotel had no rooms under the names McCloud or Hickok. The man looked sympathetically at the Kid. "Sir, would you care to sit down for a moment and rest?"

'Sir'. That took him by surprise. But he thanked the man and sank down into an overstuffed chair that was positioned by the large picture window at the front of the hotel. As he did, he couldn't help feeling he had made a mistake: the chair was so soft and comfortable, and he was so tired and achy, that he could easily fall asleep right there, right then. If he could just close his eyes...just for a minute...

"Kid? Kid, wake up."

"In a minute, Rachel... I'm just 'bout to get up..."

Laughter. Kid popped one eye open and found himself staring straight into the warmest, sweetest, most familiar brown eyes in the world. He sat bolt upright in the chair. "Lou?"

Lou cracked a broad grin. "What in the sam hill are you doin' here, Kid? Not that I care. C'mere, you big lug." She threw her arms about his neck and kissed him delightedly on the cheek.

In response Kid stood up and gathered her into his arms. "Boy, am I glad to see you. I've been lookin' all over this infernal city, and I am dog-tired."

"Oh, Kid, I'm so glad you're here! Come on, I'll take you up to our room."

"Wait, wait, wait-our room?" Kid looked at her skeptically. If she and Jimmy were playing husband and wife...

Lou rolled her eyes. "Yes, ours," she answered. "Mine and Jack's."

"You mean you found her?" He was pleased.

"Yes, just a couple of days ago." Lou took Kid by the hand and led him up the stairs, to the room on the third floor she shared with Jack. As they walked she told him the story briefly, promising him a more detailed explanation after he'd had a bit of rest. "I just don't know if those two will ever get sorted out," she was telling him as they walked down the hallway.

"Give 'em time, Lou."

"How much time, that's what I wanna know, Kid. They ain't got much more left to-"

Lou had opened the door, and the sight they beheld made them both stop short, their mouths falling open. Jimmy and Jack were sitting together in the window seat. Jack was perched on Jimmy's lap, their foreheads touching, as Jack ran her fingers over the collar of Jimmy's shirt, and Jimmy held her tightly within his arms. They were murmuring softly to each other, gentle smiles on their faces. When Lou and Kid entered, they both looked up, startled.

"Oh, my Lord," whispered Lou.

"Kid?" Jack's smile was radiant. She left Jimmy and went to Kid, hugging him. "What on earth are you doing here? It's so good to see you!"

"Yeah...you, too, Jack." Kid squeezed her close, staring at Lou, puzzled. Jimmy was grinning at him sheepishly.

When Jack had released Kid, she regarded them all with bright eyes. "Did you have a lovely time, Lou? Did you enjoy the city?"

"Um, yeah, I sure did, Jack."

An awkward silence followed; awkward, at least, on Kid and Lou's part. Jimmy and Jack seemed only too at ease. "Shall we have dinner?" ventured Jack. "We've got all night and nearly all of tomorrow. Let's make a night of it."

"You said your boat left first thing in the mornin'," Jimmy accused teasingly.

"Did I?" Jack turned to him with a laugh. "Oh, yes, well, I was just trying to be rid of you."

This was all too sudden for Lou to cope with. Her head was spinning at the abrupt change in circumstances. She sat down on the bed and stared at Kid, shaking her head.

"We'll leave you ladies to get ready for dinner." Jimmy went to the door and motioned for Kid to follow him.

When they had gone, Lou and Jack stared at each other. "This is quite a change from when I left this mornin'," Lou said needlessly.

Jack crossed the room and dropped to her knees before Lou, beaming up into her friend's face. "It's been the loveliest afternoon of my life, Lou. After you left, Jimmy came, and we argued, and then we sort of stopped arguing, and suddenly...suddenly it was so lovely."

Lou seized her friend's hand in hers and said, "If you're happy, I'm happy, too. This is exactly what I wished for you and Jimmy, and I knew that if you would just give yourselves the chance it would all work out all right."

"You were absolutely right. How can I ever thank you?"

"Stay, Jack. Come back to Sweetwater with us, give yourself the chance you and Jimmy deserve. Don't go to England."

Jack pulled away. "I can't. Please don't ask me to, Lou. I have to go back."

"I don't understand. Now that you and Jimmy have reached an understandin'-"

"I have to go back. If nothing else, I have to make it up to my mum and dad. I love Jimmy. I love all of you. But I owe this to them."

"How will you two manage? It'll be months and months before you see him again."

"I know. But I have to go back. If Jimmy's feelings were to change, it would kill me, but who's to say they couldn't change if I were right here by his side?"

"You know they wouldn't."

"I'm not the first woman he's loved," Jack replied lightly.

Lou did not miss her meaning. She put her hand on Jack's shoulder. "You're the only woman he's loved this much." She sighed, saying reluctantly, "I just worry, that's all. Say you're gone a year. So many things will happen in a year. You know there's talk of war by summertime. Kid and I will be married. The Express is sure to be shut down. Maybe you'll never come back."

Jack could say nothing, she had no reassurances, nothing she could say to assuage Lou's fears. Lou was right, and Jack knew she could make no guarantees.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Springtime was making itself felt in New York, a fact made wonderfully clear to the four riders when they discovered a nearby park the next day. It was lush and green, thick patches of trees dotting the landscape. Emerald grass swept in gentle, rolling hills as far as they could see. There were fountains and gazebos, elegant young couples walking arm in arm, children of all shapes, sizes, and dress playing games, running and shouting with the greatest enjoyment. Lou walked with her hand in Kid's, her head tossed back to feel the warmth of the spring sunshine across her face. She had never imagined there could be such a haven in a city like New York.

Jimmy and Jack were several yards behind them, walking side by side, Jimmy's hands shoved into his trouser pockets, Jack's arms crossed over her chest. They were silent. Lou had made a vow to do no more prompting, to let things happen as they would. Her best efforts could not protect her friends from the hurt they could inflict upon each other, and if they separated with no agreement between them there was nothing she could do to alter that. Kid was right: this was between Jimmy and Jack, and she had to give them time.

She had thought that last night would surely have resulted in something tangible. They had dined at a charming, informal little restaurant, then taken a late walk before heading back to the hotel. It had worked romantic wonders for herself and the Kid, so it had surprised Lou greatly that Jimmy and Jack seemed to be exactly where they had left off. Even the sweet little scene she and Kid had witnessed in the hotel room apparently had no bearing on the outcome of the evening. And now Jack was leaving. Her boat sailed with the evening tide.

Jack stared at the clean lines of Jimmy's profile, fixing him into her memory, every detail: his cautious smile, his thin lips, the way his eyes tilted down at the corners, his laughter, the comfort of his company, his loyalty. 'Oh, God, you'll go on all day if you keep this up,' she thought reproachfully.

"What are you thinkin' about?" His voice was low, playful.

'You,' she answered silently. Could she say that? Did she dare? To hell with caution. "You, Jimmy."

He seemed pleased. "Really? That's kinda coincidental, you might say."

"Why?" She couldn't resist teasing. "Were you thinking of yourself, too?"

He played along. "As a matter of fact, yes. I was just admiring the way the blue of my shirt brings out my complexion."

They laughed. "I always knew underneath that tough exterior you were just another conceited dandy."

"A what now?" Sometimes the terms Jack used were still completely lost on him. He knew she was joking, but what the hell was a dandy?

"Ehm..." Jack hesitated, her brow furrowing as she thought. "A fop," she offered. When he continued to look puzzled, she tried again: "A gadabout? No? Ehm...what Cody would be if he had the time and the resources."

"Ahhh." Jimmy broke into a grin. He shook his head, chuckling. "I don't guess I'll ever get over that accent or those things you say sometimes."

"Well it's not as if I always understand you all the time, either. For instance, what exactly is 'tarnation'? I remember Teaspoon saying that all the time." She did an incredibly bad imitation of Teaspoon's Texas drawl, "Why, hellfire and tarnation, boys!"

Jimmy burst out laughing. "Was that supposed to be Teaspoon?"

"It wasn't good?"

"You sounded like yourself...only drunk."

"You're a beast." She smacked him lightly on the shoulder. He caught her hand in his and drew it through the crook of his elbow, resting it there. She gave him a shy smile and walked closer beside him.

"Let's not waste our time arguin' over how we talk," he said smoothly.

"No," she agreed.

"We've wasted enough time already, haven't we?" He met her sad eyes with his own and Jack felt a harsh pang.

They walked on in silence, watching the Kid and Lou ahead of them as they laughed and talked. Jack knew there was so much she and Jimmy had to say to each other, but suddenly the prospect seemed daunting. They had a few precious hours left, was it really worth it to spend them scrutinizing the events of the past year?

It was well past one o'clock when they finally had lunch. No one seemed to feel much like eating. Jimmy in particular picked at his food and seemed reluctant to take a bite, spending most of the meal staring at his plate or touching Jack lightly with his hands. Lou was anxious to spend these last few hours with her friend, but both she and Kid felt acutely as if they shouldn't have been there. After lunch, Lou held Kid back as Jack and Jimmy headed to the door.

"I think we should let them be alone," she whispered.

Kid was surprised. "But there's only a few more hours left till Jack leaves, Lou, I thought you'd want to spend 'em with her."

"I do." Lou sighed. "But I also know they don't need us around makin' this more awkward for them than it already is. Besides," she added, "I sure know how I'd feel if it was my last day with you, and there were other people around. Even if they were my friends."

He grinned, flattered. "You make a good argument, Miss McCloud."

"I'm so glad you agree." She bowed her head and curtsied.

Jack and Jimmy seemed equally surprised at the suggestion. Lou downplayed the offer under the pretense that she and Kid wanted time alone to enjoy the bit of vacation they had left together. They agreed to meet again at the hotel. When they were gone, Jack and Jimmy turned to each other, eyes wide. They were alone again.

Jimmy touched the brim of his hat in an elegant, gentlemanly gesture. "Miss Townsend, may I have the pleasure of your company on this fine afternoon?" He held out his arm.

"I'd be delighted, Mr Hickok."

They walked through the streets of Manhattan. Jack singled out points of interest to Jimmy-buildings, monuments, particular streets. He paid close attention, but was far more taken with the play of the sun across Jack's dark hair, the fine lines of her features, the deep chuckle of her laughter. He concentrated on every detail, certain he would remember these hours for the rest of his life.

They wandered their way to Battery Park, and stopped at the railing that separated them from the ocean. Jack released Jimmy's arm and leaned against the railing. "I can't believe that tonight I'll be crossing that again." She shivered.

Jimmy put a protective arm around her shoulders. "Scared?"

"Terrified," she admitted. "All that water...all those weeks on a boat. It's ghastly."

"You're probably the only foreigner on her way out of the country," he joked.

She allowed a small smile. After a moment she asked, "Jimmy, in your wildest dreams did you ever imagine you'd come to New York City? So far away from what you've always known?"

Jimmy looked out across the water. He shrugged. "I don't reckon I ever thought about it. I've always sorta let things take me where they would. You, on the other hand, are definitely not somethin' I ever let myself dream about."

Jack blushed. She smoothed her hand over his arm, too shy to meet his gaze, which was now resting on the top of her head.

"Don't go."

She looked at him then. "Jimmy, you know I-"

"Just tonight. Just stay for tonight. There'll be another boat out tomorrow. Change your ticket and take that one. But don't leave tonight." He saw the hesitation in her face. "Please, Jack. We've got two hours before you have to be at the dock. Two hours. That ain't nothin'. We need more time. Just stay one more night." He cleared his throat. "With me."

He had admitted to her yesterday that he had not been able to go through with his night at the saloon, and instead had left the room after the girl's unsuccessful attempts at seduction. He had not told her, however, that it was the thought of some day being allowed to love Jack that had stopped him.

Her eyes widened at the clear implication of his words. Thoughts flew dizzingly through her head: stay or go? Spend one unforgettable night with Jimmy or leave for England never knowing if she would see him again? She loved Jimmy, and she wanted to stay with him. Nothing could be more right than that. Better a lifetime of memories than a lifetime of regrets, surely.

Jack took a deep breath. "All right. All right, Jimmy, I'll stay. But just for tonight. I can't promise you longer than that."

He broke into a grin of pure elation and practically dragged her to the dock. There was a minimal fee for Jack to change the date of her departure, and Jimmy insisted on paying for that. It was four o'clock before they found their way back to the hotel, a mere hour before they were to have met Lou and the Kid. They walked hand in hand into the lobby, where Jack scratched out a quick note for Lou and left it with the man behind the counter.

At the door to Jimmy's room Jack's nerves got the better of her, and she stood trembling while he turned the key in the lock. Before he opened the door, Jimmy turned to her and smiled shyly, "We can even order dinner up to the room, like rich folks."

"Jimmy-" Her voice was pure panic. She couldn't finish.

He flinched. "Don't back out on me now, Jack, please. I need you. You can't leave me tomorrow with nothin' to hold onto." He paused then, and sighed. "But I can't push you if you don't want this. I wouldn't hurt you for the world. It's just as much your decision as it is mine."

She was touched deeply by the pain and hopefulness in his voice. She reached up her hand and stroked his hair away from his face. She had hurt him with her hesitation. She was nervous about taking this step with Jimmy, but she wasn't frightened.

She reassured him with a gentle touch of her lips to his, and was amazed by how it calmed her. There was no question in her mind that she had made the right decision. With a smile that set Jimmy's heart singing, she led him into the room and closed the door behind them.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

The air was thick with voices. Bits and pieces of various conversations floated in and around others. Different accents, different pitches of voice, feminine, masculine, elderly, childlike, a word or a phrase or a trace of laughter all contributed to the din surrounding the dockside where the passengers of the Ocean Lily all waited to board.

Jack, Lou, Jimmy, and the Kid stood together, the few pieces of Jack's luggage at their feet. The wind was cool and revitalizing after the hot day, and everyone seemed to be drinking in the refreshing breeze, letting it sift over their skin and through their hair. Lou had a tight hold on one of Jack's hands. They were near the dock and the water was lapping at the shore. It was a loud, strange, unfamiliar sound to Lou, but a comforting one. Jack seemed remarkably calm, a warm glow in her eyes, a faint smile on her lips. 'Even if she hadn't told me herself, I reckon I could guess by the look on her face,' Lou thought wickedly.

A man dressed all in blue strolled through the crowds, announcing, "Half an hour till boarding begins, ladies and gentlemen! Please have your luggage and tickets ready to be inspected."

The sun was sinking over a pale gray sky. Jack felt Jimmy move nearer, his chest pressing up against her back, an arm slipping around her waist. They shared a secret smile tinted only by a trace of sadness. So little time left. But such a beautiful night.

Jack knew she would always remember every moment of the night before with the greatest clarity, and as long as she lived she would never-could never- regret it. He had been so gentle, so patient, as loving and tender as if she were a sacred thing. She had been frightened at first, but he had washed away all traces of fear with the touch of his hand, his lips, his skin brushing against her own.

They all spoke of inconsequential things, as if Jack were not about to depart across an ocean thousands of miles wide and settle back into a land so far away. Jack felt traitorous, but there was no denying that she was deeply excited about going home. If she separated that from her anguish at leaving her friends and Jimmy, she could almost be happy about it. But when she remembered that these were their last few moments together, maybe for a very long time, maybe forever, she wanted to cry. How was it possible to be so pleased to be going and yet so agonized at leaving?

The minutes passed by, and soon another man in blue announced that it was fifteen minutes to board and all passengers should begin queuing. It was then that they all became quiet. The Kid seemed to realize his relative unimportance in this situation, and he stepped forward first, hugging Jack and kissing her cheek. "Take care of yourself, Jack. Write us often. We'll think of you."

Jack smiled thankfully and released the Kid. Lou came to her then, both of them tearing up, a painful repeat of the last time they had said goodbye. For a long time they just hugged silently. "I love you," Lou said into her friend's ear. "Thank you for your friendship."

Jack squeezed her eyes shut as the tears fell down her cheek. "I love you, too. Your friendship has done more for me than you could ever know."

They shared small kisses on the cheek, and then Lou, too, stepped away, standing by the Kid, who put a loving arm around her. They backed up and turned, leaving Jimmy and Jack alone once more.

Jimmy cradled Jack's cheek in the palm of his hand. She put a hand to his wrist and they smiled. "I will wait for you," he whispered hoarsely, "for as long as it takes."

Jack's eyes filled up again. She shook her head. "No, I can't let you do that."

"Did I ask your permission?" he said lightly, but his voice was husky and his eyes betrayed the intensity of his promise.

"But Jimmy, I won't be back for ages. It wouldn't be fair."

He shrugged, as if it didn't matter to him. And it didn't. "I'll still wait. It's my choice, Jack, not yours. I don't want anyone else. I'll never want anyone else. I promise-I'll wait as long as I have to."

"You may change your mind months down the road."

"I think you're afraid you might change your mind."

'No,' she thought, 'I'll never change my mind about you, or how I feel about you. But I couldn't bear it if you ever felt obligated to some vow you made in a vulnerable moment.' Aloud she said, "No, I won't change."

"Liar," he whispered with a rueful smile. He kissed her.

She clung to him and buried her face in his shoulder. His arms were so tight around her she could hardly breathe, but she didn't mind. "I won't hold you to that promise," she murmured against his jacket, pressing her arms closer about his neck. "I won't, Jimmy, it's not fair to you."

"Damn you and your talkin' about fairness. And if you mention Lou, I swear I'll scream," he said. She laughed. His hands were gently running through her dark hair. "I don't care if you come back thirty years from now a happily married woman with ten kids-I'll still love you, Jack."

"Ladies and gentlemen," the young man had a warm accent similar to Jack's, "please begin forming the queue directly behind the boardwalk. This gentlemen here," he gestured to an older man standing beside him, "will be examining your tickets. Please begin queuing as quickly as possible."

Jimmy considered not releasing Jack from his arms, but after a hesitant moment, he did. Their eyes were dimmed with sorrow. He brushed a tear from her cheek. "Don't forget me."

"How could I?" she asked. She slung her satchel over her shoulder and picked up the two suitcases she had brought. "No, don't worry, I can manage," she said as Jimmy moved to help her. He walked with her to the line that was forming. Kid and Lou came over to them.

The line was moving briskly along. Jimmy said, "I love you, Jack."

Jack handed her ticket to the man on the dock. "I love you, Jimmy."

Jimmy watched as Jack walked slowly down to the ship, carefully balancing her weight against the heavy suitcases in her hands. She stepped inside and was out of sight. He felt Lou's hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to go now, Jimmy?"

He shook his head. "Not yet."

When the last passenger had boarded and the gate to the dock was closed, Jimmy, Lou, and Kid stood with the remaining crowd of people. It was then that they noticed the passengers were crowding onto the decks and waving to those behind on the shore. "Do you see Jack?" he asked his friends.

They couldn't see her among the masses of people. Her pale face and dark hair were indistinguishable from the sea of faces, but they waved anyway. "Maybe she sees us," Kid said. Then the foghorn sounded, and slowly the ship began to push away from the shore. It moved laboriously, but surely, and soon was five feet from the dock...then ten...then thirty...

Lou and Kid sat on a nearby bench while Jimmy leaned against the railing and watched the water long after the ship had been enveloped by the dark night. Something told them to stay, to wait for the agony to leave Jimmy's eyes, and then walk their friend back to the hotel.

And a letter was winging its way across the Atlantic, to New York, where it would rest in a cubbyhole in Ned Harmon's law office, placed there by his new secretary, Paula. It would remain there, unread and forgotten, with no means of finding its rightful owner.

_Dearest daughter, _it read_, Most likely you have proceeded with your usual haste, but I pray that this letter reaches you in time. Darling Jill, pride of our hearts, there is no need for you to come back to England. You have quite clearly made a new home in America and you have a new life. Your father and I feel that coming back, while it might somewhat soothe your homesick heart, and would certainly delight us, would only result in further hurt to you._ _Dear girl, you say so little yet reveal so much. You obviously love these new, wonderful friends of yours, and to say that you hold tender feelings for a certain oft-mentioned Jimmy Hickok is perhaps not stating the case strongly enough. How can you think of leaving them for a moment, let alone for the many months you would spend away? Your father is well enough to make a trip abroad. Name the time and location, and we'll make our way to America, and gladly. We are anxious to see you and to meet these new people who have made such a home for you. We will be thrilled if you decide to come back, but think it over, please, for your own sake._ _If you feel you are repaying us somehow by coming back, don't feel that way. There is nothing to repay. Everyone is allowed an impetuous decision in their lifetime, and your father and I always knew that when you found out the truth of your birth you would seek the answers yourself. Now the only thing you owe us is to live a full and happy life, which we both believe can best be done in America._ _Please write and let us know of your decision. And please know that we are both doing well and are very happy, however much we long for you. Our own days are full and our hearts beat happily knowing our girl is out there, loved and loving._ _With love,_ _Your mother_


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

The moment Jack stepped off the boat her legs gave way completely. Mrs Kendall caught her by the elbow before she fell to the ground. She steadied her with an "Oops! Careful now!"

Jack righted herself, stiffening her knees, and smiling gratefully at the woman. Mrs Kendall smiled back. "Nine weeks, and you still never gained your sea legs." Her accent was warm, friendly southern England. It reminded Jack of home.

"I'm no credit to the English, am I? We'd never have the reputation we do if they'd set me off to sea."

Olivia Kendall laughed. "Ah, you did well enough. Are you feeling all right?" She put a hand to Jack's forehead.

"She looks a sight better than she has the past two months," said a voice.

Jack and Olivia turned to see Magnus striding toward them, the other passengers swarming off the ship around him. He was carrying as much luggage as he could manage, which, despite his tall, lanky frame, was considerable. Mr Kendall was just behind him. They stopped when they reached the two women. Magnus grinned. "The old fellow's managing all right, isn't he?" He gestured in the direction of his father, a man who looked not a day over fifty.

Mr Kendall set the luggage down at their feet and tugged a lock of Magnus's hair. "Not bad for an old fellow, eh, lad?" he bellowed sarcastically at his son.

"George, pipe down, for heaven's sake," Olivia said. "And Magnus, don't encourage your father. We were discussing Jill's health before you two interrupted," she finished briskly.

"Not quite so peaked anymore, is she?" George studied Jack's face and complexion. "She's got most of her color back already."

"I don't understand," said Jack, "I didn't have this problem when I sailed the first time."

"Something certainly didn't agree with you," Olivia said. "You were green morning, noon, and night. I'm sure it didn't help that you hardly ate anything during the journey."

Jack was apologetic. "I know. I'm sorry. I should have eaten. But nothing tasted good, Mrs Kendall. I just couldn't find the appetite to eat a thing."

Olivia clucked. She was sixteen years younger than her husband, and so beautiful she looked as if she belonged in a painting-and yet she could sound as prim and matronly as any grandmother Jack had ever met. "Nonsense. The food was actually quite good, especially considering we were at sea."

"Livvy, stop pestering her," George broke in. "Can't you see the poor girl's dead on her feet?"

"I feel better, but not by much," admitted Jack. "I do feel a desperate longing to get down on my knees and kiss the ground, though."

They laughed. "You're either a true Englishwoman at heart, or you're just sick to death of sailing," George said.

"A bit of both," she answered, which made them laugh again. "And dying to go home."

Magnus beckoned for a carriage and the four of them climbed inside while the footmen loaded their baggage. Jack sat beside Magnus in the small cab, with his mother and father across from them. There was barely room to breathe, let alone move, and Jack found herself crushed rather closely to the young man beside her. He was a few years older than Jimmy, taller and rangier, with pale blue eyes where Jimmy's were warm green, and he smelled of cologne and shampoo instead of fresh air and leather-but if she closed her eyes and concentrated hard enough, she could pretend it was Jimmy next to her instead of Magnus. It was the only thing that had made the past nine weeks bearable: pretending Jimmy was nearby.

For the first fortnight of the journey, Jack had merely stayed alone in her cabin, staring out to sea, playing with a deck of cards or reading a book. Mostly she had thought of Jimmy. It was then that she began pretending. She pretended that as she sat there by herself in the room, Jimmy was about to join her at any moment; at dinner she pretended Jimmy had been detained by a mail run and that she would be by her side the next night at mealtime; at night, as she lay in bed, she pretended that Jimmy was asleep next to her. She knew if she kept it up, she'd go mad before they reached England, but she couldn't seem to stop, she was so lonely for him. And then she had met the Kendalls.

Actually, she had met Magnus first: standing at least a head taller than the other men, with brown hair nearly as dark as her own and blue eyes that would have reminded her of ice if they hadn't been so warm and friendly. He had fine, clear features and a thin-lipped mouth full of humor. He had been seated next to her at dinner one evening, and quickly engaged her in conversation. Within minutes they found numerous things in common: books, background, music. By the end of that week, she had confided in Magnus the details of her life in America. He was genuinely admiring at her tales of the Pony Express. "What I wouldn't give to write your life story," he told her.

The remainder of the journey was spent in the Kendalls' company. Olivia and George had been given sparse details of Jack's life, and knew only that she had been staying in America with friends and was going back home to her parents. Magnus loved his parents, but also knew their shortcomings: they would have been deeply disapproving of Jack's lifestyle, despite the fact that it had been necessary for survival. Any girl who had left her parents, dressed as a boy, taken a man's job, and lived among men for the past few years would be frowned upon by the well-meaning couple who had very strict ideas of morals and decorum. All they knew was that she was a dear, sweet girl, and they took her under their wing.

Jack was equally forthcoming with Magnus about her friends in the Express, and described them all in lively detail till he felt he knew them as well as she did. The only part of her life she kept from him was Jimmy, and she guarded that secret closely to her heart, not out of fear, but out of love. Jimmy was her secret, her memory to comfort her during the lonely stretches of time that lay ahead. She didn't want to share him with anyone.

Now, jostling alongside Magnus through the streets of Southampton, Jack felt the comforting pressure of his hand on her arm. Of late she had begun to suspect his feelings were perhaps growing to more than friendship. She tried to dismiss the thought as irrational, but could never quite shake it. She wasn't merely flattering herself: the look in his eyes was unmistakable.

Magnus was so like the man she'd always imagined falling in love with it was uncanny. A year ago if you had stood James Hickok and Magnus Kendall side by side in front of her and asked her which would she fancy marrying, she would have chosen Magnus without hesitation. Jimmy was intelligent and kind and handsome, but Magnus was the picture perfect ideal she had always envisioned.

Now, she thought wryly, even if you stood Mag and Jimmy side by side, she would see only Jimmy. She had heard the saying about opposites attracting, but it wasn't that she and Jimmy were opposites; in fact, they were quite similar-reserved, thoughtful, cautious, laughing and crying at the same things. She sighed wistfully, but luckily could not be heard over the clatter of the horses' hooves against the road and the noises of the seaside town.

Home at last, and Jack couldn't stop thinking about all that she'd left behind. Or the nausea that pitted her stomach, she realized a moment later. She felt as if she were still at sea, the boat rocking to and fro beneath her feet.

"You look pale again, dear." Mrs Kendall leaned forward to pat Jack's hand. "Are you feeling unwell?"

Jack took a deep breath and the waves in her stomach subsided. "It seems to come and go, Mrs Kendall. I'm all right now."

"You'll soon be right as rain," Mr Kendall assured her. "Just give yourself time to settle back in."

Jack smiled weakly and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the wall of the carriage. This was a strange feeling compared to her days in the Express, when she had been riding the horses that were now pulling them through the streets.

The ride to her parents' home was long, but Mr and Mrs Kendall insisted that they make the trip that same day. They were eager to reunite Jack with her mother and father. By nightfall Jack, tiring easily of late, fell asleep against Magnus's shoulder, her head resting by his neck. Magnus swelled with warm affection, looking down at the beautiful, incredible creature next to him, wondering humbly if he could ever make her care for him the way he had begun to care for her. She didn't say so, but he sensed that she was holding back feelings that she possibly shared. She was shy, and he adored her for it. And he intended, now that they were back in England, to court her properly, to reveal his feelings as any proper gentleman should.

They reached the Townsend home later that evening. Mr and Mrs Kendall watched the young pair with doting eyes. As the carriage arrived in front of the Townsends' new home, Jack was jostled awake. She gazed upon the lovely little cottage in the light of the moon, and drew her breath in.

Mr Kendall helped her out of the carriage and stood at a respectful distance. Jack thanked him, making her way to the front door. She could hear noises within, and through the window opened to the cool night breeze, she heard the sound she had never dared hope to hear again: her mother's light, silvery laughter mixed with the hearty sound of her father's loud chuckle.

Jack raised a hand to the door and pounded the silver handle against the door three times, waiting. She pressed her hands to her stomach, gently touching her belly, smiling a secret smile to herself.

She was home.


	22. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Smooth, elegant hands shook uncontrollably as they soaked the rag in the bowl of cool water. Eleanor Townsend sat at her daughter's bedside, tears threatening her dark eyes however much she tried to fight them back. She squeezed the cloth out and began to stroke Jack's fevered skin: face, neck, hands.

Jack was sleeping deeply now. The fitful drowsiness of earlier was gone, and she seemed at last to have some peace. Eleanor couldn't stop her tears.

"Darling." Eleanor felt her husband's hands on her shoulders as he came up from behind her. She managed to look up at her husband, barely able to see him through the cloudiness in her eyes. "Yes, dear?" she managed to choke out.

Her husband's handsome, ruddy face mirrored her own grief. "Darling, she's well. She's pulling through. You heard the doctor: she'll be all right."

For a moment Eleanor didn't say anything. She doused the rag in the water again, silently wringing out the excess, and began her ministrations once more. The coolness seemed to finally ease Jack's raging fever, her skin fading to a lighter shade of pink. At last Eleanor said, "Yes, she's well, and I thank God for that. But Ken-oh, Ken, the baby-"

A shadow fell over Kenneth's eyes. "I know. Darling, I know." He held onto his wife a moment longer, and then sat down in the rocking chair placed by Jack's bedside and watched them both, the two most important people in his life.

They were quiet, the only sound in the room their daughter's labored breathing. Neither said so, but each knew they were thinking of their own lost children, the four miscarriages Eleanor had suffered through before Geoffrey and Jillian had left Jill with them. Their daughter, the light of their lives. She was theirs, no matter what anyone might say otherwise. Just because they had not created her didn't mean they didn't love her as deeply as if they had.

Jack stirred. Her lips formed a word that was now familiar to them, but no sound escaped.

Kenneth looked at his wife. "She keeps calling for him."

Eleanor nodded. "What I wouldn't give to be able to bring him here."

"I've often thought I'd like to meet the boy. She speaks of him so highly, yet so honestly, I believe he'd be worth knowing. Of course, I had to get over my initial desire to have him horse-whipped."

They smiled softly at each other. Like any good father, Kenneth had been outraged at the news that his daughter was with child, and with the child of a gun-slinging American cowboy, no less. He couldn't honestly say that he approved, and Lord knew their neighbors cast skeptical eyes, but eventually Kenneth had been won over by Jack's descriptions of James Hickok and his character, by the obvious love and respect in his daughter's eyes, and finally, by the appealing thought of being a grandfather. His wife had come to the same conclusion much sooner: their daughter's circumstances were similar to Geoffrey and Jillian's save one detail-she and Jimmy had love, where Geoffrey and Jillian had not. It could turn out to be the most important difference of all.

Especially now, Eleanor reflected. Now that the new life their love had created was gone, lost to them. Eleanor had prayed and prayed that her daughter would never know the anguish of losing a child too soon, but it was not to be. She knew that when Jack finally awoke, cognizant at last, all the love in the world could never ease the hurt she would feel, if she didn't have the man she loved by her side.

"Eleanor?" Kenneth's query was gentle, loving.

"Just thinking about our poor girl."

Kenneth reached for her hand, stilled beside their daughter. "At least we haven't lost her as well. At least we've still got our little Jilly."

"Yes," Eleanor agreed. "And a long road ahead of us."

"Do you think there's any way we can send for the boy?"

"Ken, you know better than that. There's a war on."

"Jim Green says it'll be over by Christmastime."

"Darling, Jim's being a bit too optimistic, perhaps. After all, isn't he from the South?"

"South Carolina."

"And Dennis Tripp-"

"The 'London Times' reporter?"

"Yes. He says all the Americans are predicting Christmastime, but that there's no way anyone can tell at this point."

"Well, we've got to do something. The boy deserves to know about this."

"We can't do anything without Jilly's permission." Eleanor was firm on this subject and Kenneth knew there was no arguing with her.

He sighed. "Bloody war."

Eleanor reached to the bedside table and picked up the two unopened letters that lay there. She looked at them, at the small, flowing writing of Louise McCloud, the shaky, uncertain writing of J. B. Hickok. She longed to read them, not to invade her daughter's privacy, but to learn more of her daughter's friends. Since her return Jack had received a letter from Louise and one from Rachel Dunne, and she had read them aloud to her parents, love and affection heavy in her voice. Eleanor knew that Jack had said nothing of her pregnancy to anyone back in Rock Creek, determined instead to sail back to America once it was confirmed by the doctor. He had warned against traveling in her condition, but Jack was nothing if she was not stubborn.

What they hadn't realized was that Dr Wright had been emphasizing Jack's condition in particular. She was a small, delicate young woman for all her strength and resilience, and he saw something in her physical state that alarmed him. Her body wasn't ready yet to carry a child, and rebelled at the changes being inflicted upon it. As Jack had begun readying herself for the return journey she had been seized with excruciating pain low in her belly, pain that terrified her. And now she lay in her bed, her beautiful dream of motherhood no longer a reality. At least for now, and no longer, Eleanor hoped.

Louise's first letter lay open on the table as well, and Eleanor skimmed over it, fragments of each paragraph leaping out, catching her eye: '...arrived back in Rock Creek, everyone was so happy to see us, but so sad that you weren't with us... Jimmy wanders around looking lost and lonely, and when you look into his eyes he's not quite there anymore, somehow. As if a part of him left with you on that ship... days are full and happy, but we can't wait to see you again... Teaspoon speaks of you often... I hope you are glad to be back home in England, and that your mother and father are as happy to have you around as we were... Come back soon, Jack.'

"She had a good life there," Eleanor said. Her husband nodded in agreement. She continued thoughtfully, "Would you be willing for her to go back, Ken?"

Kenneth didn't have to consider for very long. He answered, "When she left, I didn't know how to make it through each day. My little girl, in America, by herself. I felt like I was receiving some sort of punishment for something I didn't even realize I'd done. If you had asked me that question before now, dearest, I would have said no, unequivocally. But now..." his voice trailed off. "Now I know that I could never keep her from anything that made her so happy. I think life there was good to her, not just good for her. Those people love her as much as we do. Yes, I'd be willing for her to go back."

Eleanor clasped her husband's hands and bowed her head to kiss them. Outside, the night storm raged around the house. The sky was dark gray, torrents of rain pelting the rooftops, the wind howling as if in sympathetic torment with the family inside. Across the ocean and the vast stretches of land, James Hickok felt the ache of separation. Within the little cottage, Eleanor and Kenneth Townsend waited for their daughter to awaken.

_The End_


End file.
